Poverty

God's timing is once again shown to me as being so perfect. My mom gave me the book "A Framework for Understanding Poverty" by Dr. Rudy Payne. Not exactly my typical bedtime reading. I grabbed it last night for some late night reading and made it all the way to chapter 3. I guess to summarize, the book is a way to understand poverty, the ways in which people arrive there, they way in which they stay, or how it can be visited. I'd never thought about it in such depth. I've never gone hungry, been in filthy circumstances, or had to be cold or hot without a choice. "The definition of poverty is the "extent to which an individual does without resources"". The resources are defined as financial, emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, support systems, relationships/role models, and knowledge of the hidden rules. When I read this I could just picture A and her family.
God's timing came into play as a got a certified packet in the mail today from cps describing in detail A and all of her family. Their issues, the things they need to work on, etc.. It was way more information than I wanted. I'm not sure yet if it is more information than I needed. Tears rolled down the cheeks as a I read her lil life story on the pages of badly copied paper. Poverty was the overwhelming message. Yet because of my reading the night before I could look at it in a different light. I faltered from my "high horse" and could grasp a tiny bit about the cycle of poverty I was reading about. This time the scenario from A's life could be added to the book. Thanks, mom, for lending me the book and giving me a different perspective on poverty. Its so easy to judge or find fault with the way someone else has conducted their life or rather is conducting their life. I want to squeeze A a little closer and hope that the role models we are providing for her will last a lifetime. So much to teach, and yet, who knows how long we will have her.

I think I'm gonna miss them

Back at home, and my finger is better so that I can type without wincing. How to wrap up a week's worth of thoughts. I guess to start with I can't help but think of what A said as we were pulling out of my parents driveway, "Nina, Nina" yes, A, "I think I'm gonna miss them." Me, too, A, me, too.
We saw Todd's family and then on to my parents. Every family member that A met, she connected with on some level. Every bed she was put on she went right to sleep. She kept going and going with "What's next" constantly being asked. Christmas began for her on the Monday before Christmas when she got to go see her family. If love is measured by the size of the toys one receives than A is loved more than imaginable by her family. Kitchen, table & chairs, huge stuffed dog(you know the kind your kids always want but you think no way because its so big). That's just the beginning of the list. Even better is when she comes in the house, she has Madeline, Lucas & Camille all in her room helping her get out and assemble all of her things. So willing to share, and even better was the fact that there was no jealous remarks by any of the stan clan.
Swimming in the hotel pool was a new experience. Definitely not a swimmer. Thanks, Tanya for lending us the life jacket. Felt a little bad when I had to ask A to suck in her tummy in order to zip it. She stayed close to the steps and that was fine by all. She chimed right in to calling Todd's parents, Grandma & Grandpa. Camille wasn't always thrilled by this.
I sometime wonder if all that we are exposing her to is a good thing or not. Its like how much materialism are we overstimulating her with. We go in and out of stores, grocery stores, etc., without a thought. We stay in a hotel, go to the movies, eat at restaurants. Its a constant motion or worldly activity. She handles it all in stride. I hope that I am able to stay in touch with her as she grows old. Who know what 6 months from now will bring.
We went to my parents, where unfortunately, my aunt taught A to call the hogs. A loves attention, so I think she called the hogs at least 100 times, all to the amusement of a household of Razorsnack fans. She even came home with a hog t-shirt. Ugh. Called the hogs with Aunt Bea, marched with Uncle Stephen, danced with Uncle Chris, sang songs with Aunt Joyce, read with Sophie, ate breakfast with Gramps, and did all of the above with Gram. We will all remember this Christmas and how we saw it thru the eyes of a sweet child who is so thankful for the little things in life. Yes, we will definitely miss them.
Made it to 40 years old without too much drama. A quiet birthday with my fam. A new ipad from my gang, and a beautiful scrapbook from my mom representing all 40 of my years. Ok, I take back asking her why she was starting to scrapbook. If I'd known it was for me, I would have strongly encouraged it. Such fun to look back and see all the friends and family who have played an important role in my life.
For one hour of the six ride home I was bored so I decided to count the number of times A said Nina. Ok, it was 25 times in one hour. So if you take that time 6 hours its 150 times. I failed to keep track of the times Lucas told her to be quiet, or the girls asked her to, or Buddy or myself. I guess if our only complaint is that the kid can't be quiet, we really shouldn't complain at all.
We received our first check from our foster care agency for caring for A. Very strange. Still thinking about what to do with it. It makes me laugh to think of the time a stranger asked me if I was doing foster care for the money. What an idiot. One of the hardest jobs I've had. The hardest being a mom. Mom, foster mom, definitely the most challenging jobs. Hopefully I'm not messing anybody up. I do love my jobs.
Glad to be home. Glad to have my laptop, trying to get a feel for the iPad. Finger is cramping. Looking forward to 3 more days before kiddos go back to school. Then, we'll see if I miss them.

Slowing things down

Hard to type without my pointer finger on my left hand. not sure how it happened but shut it in my trillion pound sliding door. Kids got daddy & he thought I should go to doc. Nurse Linda thought there was nothing to be done so I'm toughing it out. Just slows things down a bit. Not such a bad thing this time of year. Love having kids home & we are having such a good time. Outside yesterday enjoying the beautiful 80 degree weather & A comes over to me & says, "it sure is fun here.". We are so blessed with so much fun in our lives. Having A is a continuous reminder of how fortunate we are. She is having such a good time & we are having our eyes opened to how blessed we r. I am so thankful for our overflowing blessings & how we can share with A.

Sunday

All continued to be calm today as A went to Sunday school and didn't even look back as she went in. Not a whisper of "will you come back and get me?" What a blessing.
I think that today was the 1st time I've been stood up on a date. Got my seat & Todd's saved at church. 9:03 and he's still not there. I text him and he says he's just dropping off Mad & not to save his seat. Ugh. My husband stood me up and I sat through worship trying not to think evil thoughts. I guess its really a good thing because I do want to sit by him, I mean, if I didn't want to sit by him then I would have been happy about the whole episode. All in all, I missed him and the time we get to share in worship together. Superdad took Mad to Starbucks but when they got back the shuttle service to the middle school program had quit running so he had to drive her over there. Thus, the not making it back to get his seat. For those non-Villagers, this is a pretty important part of Sunday. The worship center fills up fast! Check it out at www.fm.thevillagechurch.net. You can podcast Matt Chandler's sermons.
So much to do and so little time. I think Christmas presents are under control. We do the 3 gifts from Santa. The hardest part about this year was trying for A to have an awesome Christmas, but it can't be more awesome than Camille. Probably putting too much thought into it. After all, Jesus is the reason for the season.

All is Calm, All is Bright

All is calm, all is bright. We made it through the last week of school before Christmas break. Whew! All is calm as I put A to bed tonight and instead of her saying "will you come check on me?", it is now "I know you will come check on me." And so after almost 5 weeks we've settled into the comfort of knowing that, yes, I will always come check on her. She no longer calls out for me in the night. I guess she knows and trusts that I am there. Tomorrow it will be interesting to see if she asks if I will come back and get her when I take her to Sunday school. I don't think she's ever been left, but I guess there must be some sense of abandonment for just being in our home and without her family. She always wants to know that I will come back and get her. Hopefully this will become calm, and she will know that, yes, I will always come back and get her.
Backtracking to Thursday, Todd & I had a date night/Christmas shopping outing with our fav babysitter Lexi in charge of everyone. A babysitter for us must be 17, background checked, and have filled out a reference form. It changes up the casual way in which you can just have a neighbor watch the kids for a bit. Thursday was Camille's Christmas party at school and I knew she would enjoy just having mommy at the party without A. Lucky for me, we have the best office ladies around and A got to hang out with them. When I am at a meeting at school, staff can watch her. She had gum, jello, did a craft, got her vision and hearing checked by Nurse Jennifer. I'm surprised she wanted to leave. When we went to Lucas's party on Friday, she asked, "do I get to hang out with the girls?" Thanks to the "girls" at Bridlewood for letting A hang out with them so that I could mommy Camille.
Lucas is a sweetie pie and let A come to his party. He even shared his desk with her. The room mom spoiled A with all the crafts and treats that the big kids got. School is such an awesome place.
Madeline had her friends over for a cookie bake & decorating. We continued our kind of cooking with premade dough & frosting in a tube. Melanie, you'll be glad to know that I read your book to the girls! "Gingerbread Kids" by Melanie Hills. See, even 7th grade girls can be read to. I did discover a particular great find. Cupcake frosting by Betty Crocker in a squeeze can. Delicious. I was so glad that I hadn't put it out for the girls to use. Lucas found it amusing when I was using it on oatmeal square cereal. I told him that I was being halfway healthy. He suggested I just make a bowl of it. Maybe next time. I do love icing.
Had a great talk with a friend of Madeline's mom. She was very intriqued by our story of A and how we arrived at doing foster care. She said I was the 2nd person she had talked to lately with a story relating to foster care. I told her that I was bombarded with stories like that in the months leading up to our decision to do foster care. I do not believe that those moments are coincidence. I believe that sometimes God whispers and other times he shouts. There is no doubt as to who is sending the message. There are so many ways to help children like A, not just by doing foster care. My eyes were opened to the need for volunteers at Pedi Place. What a great place that is to provide medical care for kids. So many opportunities, so many needs.
Ventured to the Gaylord tonight and that was a huge mistake. Its like throwing as much commercialism into one huge building and dumping in a million people. The line to see Santa was at least a football field length. Nevertheless, we did not stand in line. I did not see a glimpse of Jesus, Mary, or Joseph on display. I did see it in the smiles and good manners of people waiting to pass until someone had snapped a picture, or saying excuse me as their purse jostled into me. The lights were beautiful and who could go without thinking of the beautiful star that lead the way to baby Jesus. Even if the material side of Christmas seems to be overwhelming, I must take a breath and see the small ways in which Jesus always reigns. Thankfully, all is calm and all is bright.

Costco Pizza

Ok, so the day begins with a full cup of compassion but slowly empties and by 9 its almost all dried up. I did great this morning when A asked me ten times why we didn't get Camille a present. In the Stanfield house, we draw names for the 5 or 6 of us. A got Camille's name so we went to look today. There is a lot of pressure to get a really good gift since Camille is expecting something bad. Rotten child. Anyway, A didn't find anything at the 3 stores we went in. So I told her we'd have to go someplace else to look but it wouldn't be today. Totally threw her for a loop. I think she thought we were just crossing Camille off the list. I'm surprised she wasn't all for this. I'm beginning to see the sign of a really good roller derby match between Camille & A. It starts in the morning as they race to see who gets to the van first. Right now Camille definitely has the edge. It has a lot to do with the training she's had with Madeline & Lucas. I have a feeling that A is going to fit right in there.
Huge shout out to all the families that helped with the foster kids wish lists. Not all foster children get to live in bubble world so the foster care agency gets the wish lists from families that need help. We had 8 families that helped with 8 kiddos. It was so fabulous to have my kids see our friends bringing the gifts over to help. Thanks again for those that helped.
Got to meet A's attorney today. Another self esteem boost for myself. She loves the progress A is making. Best of all, she really wanted to know my opinion about A and what i thought was best for her. I love stating my opinion and have someone genuinely seem to want to hear it. I guess in summary I'm a huge supporter of education. I'm very curious to know the process that goes into being able to "get your child back". I believe that the love for A is there but the knowledge on the best way to care for her isn't. Once a teacher, always a teacher. I'd love to be able to help A's mommy or grandma become the best parent for A's sake. Hey, that's not to say that perfect parenting is going on here, it has been better since A is here. The nutrition is definitely improving. Its the little things like when we went to Costco, I would have totally had a slice of pizza if it were Camille & I. But since I am on the healthy diet plan, we skipped over it and came home. I did sneak in the pantry for a cookie or was it two, from my Swirl leftovers.
I began the process of trying to eliminate "ain't" from A's vocab today. I guess I'd never really considered how many different verbs that ain't can be used for. It may take us awhile. Nothing like a good challenge.
Beautiful Christmas concert at the high school tonight with way too many kids. 2 elementary choirs plus 5 middle school. We were there for 1:45. It is a true blessing to be able to hear the kids sing "O Holy Night" and other songs that so aptly describe the reason we are celebrating Christmas. I am so thankful for living in a school district that lets this expression be made. They did sound awesome.
Compassion was gone by the time we got home and I sent the kids to bed so that I could get Madeline some food. A began crying because I wouldn't brush her teeth. I know, I'm a bad foster mom. I told her to skip it. This philosophy always works with my kids. The fine, just have dirty teeth. She manages to get the job done. Its a fine line between being self-sufficient, tough love, and having just a teeny bit of compassion left by the end of the day. Its always easier to handle episodes in the morning. We are in a constant learning process. I definitely include me in that learning curve.

Compassion

There's something about cleaning the kitchen at 9:30 at night that makes it absolutely revolting. What a long day. No wonder lil A was crying when it was bedtime. She got a new doll from mommy and got whacked in the lip by it. Then it just turned into a sad time, for someone that had a long day, and darnit, just wanted her mommy. Of course, I'd been there most of the day, too, and I was wiped out so I had to ask Madeline if she could show some compassion because I was running low. She went to A's room and soothed her with the sweet angel-girl Madeline that I love to see. It soothed me, not A. "I want my Nina." Got her settled in bed and she was asleep in a wink. I do love her.
Spent a great evening last night with my bunco babes. First time to entertain in new house, except for the fam. Despite the pain of cleaning and preparing food, it was utterly enjoyable. Todd took the lil kiddos to see our nephew's bball game. Mad stayed home with me. I told her that there are some people who cook without cutting open bags. Thank goodness for the food network to show us how it could be done.
Camille was our shining star tonight as she performed at the informal recital at Footlights. She is such a dancer. I love seeing her wonderful posture and long arms reaching for the sky. I just hope she goes for the ballerina, not the pole dancer, somedays I wonder.
Looking forward to school being out, being lazy, and remembering the reason for the season. Thank you God for your son Jesus. Thank you also for the expert hands of surgeons. Prayers of healing for all those in recovery. I can't wait for the new day, I'm looking forward to a full cup of compassion.

Cultural Difference

It's always fun to turn on my computer after Madeline has used it to see how the format or pictures have changed. Sad thing is, I'm not smart enough to figure out how to change it. I am glad that I'm no longer looking at Justin Bieber for my google homepage. We draw names amongst the 5 of us, now 6 of us for Christmas. Camille has it figured out whose name everyone has and makes the announcement of it daily. Today, on the way to church Lucas says that if he had Camille's name, he would get her a Justin B. t-shirt and concert tickets. Oh what a fabulous boyfriend he will make someday. Of course this was followed by Camille stating that A had her name and that A would probably get Camille a present that A liked and she would probably have to return it. We are still working on humility, and being less competitive. Its hard for Camille.
Todd & I were discussing another "cultural" difference between A and our hatched kiddos today. I was taking A to Sunday school and there is a policeman who stands close to the front door. A was very concerned about him being there. I just said that policemen go to church, too. The hatched kids look upon the police as heroes. They have been taught how important they are and whenever we hear a siren we always say,"God be with you." A obviously has been taught a different response to the police. Luckily, she is a really quick learner.
Did I mention, I am now down 4 pounds? Anyone want to do foster care?

Sencerly, Lucas

Yes, we've been married 15 years as of yesterday. We celebrated with a 4th grade boys basketball practice! The whole team said a cheer of Happy Anniversary to me. How romantic. Tonight we did get away for dinner and some Christmas shopping. Got things under control but far from being totally organized.
Best part about today was Lucas's letter to his elf. I'm not sure how this got started but its a big deal at school to have an elf at your house prior to Christmas. Not just an Elf on the Shelf, but an actual elf that visits and maybe does something mischievous like mess with Christmas decorations. Tonight I just had to share parts of Lucas's letter to the elf.
"Are you elf on the shelf? I would also like to know if I have been bad or good. Also, I would like you to get something for Arianna because it would make her day awesome. P.S. Could you give my toy list to Santa. Sencerly, Lucas" ( i did correct some of his spelling for him, but I couldn't resist leaving "sencerly".

Oh, what a sweet boy.

Prayers Answered for A's teeth

Today was dentist day. Got there at 8:30 and they didn't have the correct medicine to make her dopey so we waited about 30 minutes. About 20 minutes after swallowing it, she began to entertain everyone in the office. Good grief, this isn't going to work. Well, it did, even better than I thought. With a little princess nose (laughing gas) and the affects of the oral med, she stayed awake, was comfortable and did awesome. 2 crowns, 2 filings, and 2 new front teeth. She is now the bionic woman. I'd like to take my rotten kids & show them pics of the procedure(but I didn't take any) to prove the importance of a healthy diet and teeth brushing. My stomach turned several times while sitting there with her. My mind kept going, I think I can, I think I can. After all, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. She got a little weepy after an hour and we held hands. She is amazing. Dr. Bell was terrific. Any dentist who offers medicaid in the "bubble" is a true healing hand of God.
Called Super Buddy on our way home to prepare him to carry her in, she was so sleepy. She took a 15 minute nap and didn't stop moving or smiling for the rest of the day. Now, I've never even had a teensy amount of dental work that she has had, but i can't imagine being a trooper like that.
Case Manager made a stop by the house to check on A. We are in the kitchen talking and I'm noticing what looks like mouse droppings by the stove top. Crap, I mean, good grief, chocolate sprinkles from when Madeline & Todd baked cookies. I casually starting wiping the counters in the kitchen. Last time we had a visit we were without running water, and now mouse droppings, just delicious.
Can't help but think of my brother as Lucas is upstairs jamming to Eye of the Tiger. Thanks Uncle Chris for the cd of the favs. Back in Black is so great to wake up to on Saturday mornings.

Thank you for all the prayers for A. I know that this day would not have gone so beautifully without them. Her shiny white teeth in front and her shiny silver teeth in back, are a powerful reminder of so many things. Neglect comes in all forms, parenting is hard work, and everyday I have so much to be thankful for, especially good teeth!

The Mascara

Where has the week gone to? It is already Thursday and I still haven't watched Private Practice from last week. I shutter to think about how many days to Christmas.
Backing up to Wednesday. A made a breakthru today. She was reading books in her room while I went to get dressed. When I came out she wasn't there. Where are you, A? I am not in here, she responds. Well, I am aware of that, i think. I make my way upstairs and find her behind the door in Madeline's room, with black mascara all around one eye. Ok, so do I laugh or scold? I chose the light scold route. She handled it well. But, truth be known, it was funny. Better than that I believe it was a sign of her being comfortable in our house. Or maybe its just the naughty Stanfields rubbing off on it, because i am well aware that the naughty list weighs a little heavy in this house. I'd also rather have a little naughty than abnormal good behavior all the time.
I had a meeting at school about the possibility of A getting screened for the PPCD program. Mrs. Clark, Camille's teacher watched Camille & A. The highlight of Mrs. Clark's afternoon was being called Mrs. Claus!
Camille discovered the joy of visiting the counselor's office. I'd asked the school counselor to check on her for me. Camille is now ready to go back weekly. Did I mention the sack of prizes she came home with? Hey, whatever it takes to feel special.
The blessing of Wednesday always ends with Madeline going to her home group from church. The George's open up their home for an absolutey fabulous group of girls with such a strong conviction for the Lord. And, yes, they do have a great time. I am very thankful for the group of friends that Madeline has. I always look forward to when they come here. Thank you, God for Madeline & her friends.

P Cup

There's something about vanity just flushing away as I was back at Pedi Place with A today holding a cup to catch her tinkles. The even more ironic thing was when the nurse kept us waiting even longer because she had to go get gloves before she touched the cup. I won't go into details about what all I had to touch or get sprayed with while having no gloves. I've never even done that for my own kids. The only other pee cup story I have is when my bestest Texas backyard gal was about 9 months pregnant or so it seemed & I had to help her with the ole pee cup. What fond memories. I do miss Christie.
It was only an 1 1/2 visit today so hey, that's half as fast as last time. Can't wait to see how long it takes to read a tb test on Thursday.
Driving home and get a call from case manager, A's bio mom won't be at the visit because she doesn't have enough money for gas. My first instinct is how can I get the money to her. Then my sensible real-self kicks in and I feel like kicking her. Its just so hard to fathom not walking a 100 miles to see my kids if that's what I had to do. I'd better leave it at that because I'm not feeling very nice about this subject.
I figured out how to keep Camille in a short haircut. I snipped away on the back of her hair and left the front looking exactly the same. She is absolutely adorable with short hair. My plan was going so smoothly and I just grinned when she looked in the mirror and said it wasn't any shorter. The plan was spoiled at breakfast today when Todd told her how nice her haircut looked. She looked at me then ran her fingers thru the back of her hair. My plan didn't last long.

Please remember to keep the prayers going for A as she has her dental work on Thursday and won't be able to eat breakfast before she goes. The big dread factor gets stronger every day.

Nina, Buddy, and Big Hair

I think that everyone should "rent a just turn 4 year old" for the Christmas season. It is such a delight to witness everything thru A's eyes. We drive thru the neighborhood and I swear, she knows every blowup Christmas decoration and laughs as we pass them by. Tonight we went to the middle school holiday concert for those that take voice lessons. Madeline sang a beautiful solo. Can't tell you the name of the song, something French, but she did awesome. A sat there for an hour just looking at me and smiling with each song. She loves it all.
I had a couple of mild panics over the weekend. One at the Dallas Christmas parade and the other at The Village Church on Sunday. Similar crowds at both, well close. I got to thinking what if I lose this child. She does know her first and last name but who's she going to ask for,"Nina, Buddy, and Big Hair." Geez, even her coat has my niece's name written in it. We stuck one of Buddy's business cards in her pocket and I have begun working on teaching her my name. Its those little things that pop up that I realize what a responsibility I have.
A went to bed so I tried to snap a pic a the Stanfield kids for a Christmas card. Why is something that is suppose to be so merry and bright turn so dark and nasty so quickly. Makes me want to cuss and do bodily. But, since getting our foster care license, I've given up both. Put an email out to Pixie Dust Photography Queen and she'll come save the day on Thursday. Don't know why my kids think she's so fun. Just kiddin.
Prayers today for God's healing hand on all the people who are sick, suffering, or need to be reminded to place all worries in Him who loves us. Thank you God for this day and the thrill I'm receiving from watching our own angel A love all the reasons for this season of Christmas.

Spoiled

We survived the 2nd annual Christmas parade trip. Kids got home from school on Friday and we head downtown Dallas. First stop was dinner at Hard Rock Cafe. A's eyes get so big & excited seeing new things. She was particularly fond of the stage and had no shyness about stepping onto it and doing a little dance. We did encounter our 1st person who showed a sign of ignorance when the waitress asked,"Do they all belong to you?" Of course, I said. I failed to go into the fact that I had actually hatched 3 of them and signed papers for the 4th. But, yes, at this time, they are all mine. Lucas again proved to be my cutie boy when I broke out to the ABBA song "Dancing Queen". He just looks at me and grins like I am so wonderful while I'm sure Madeline wanted to crawl under the table. Its nice to have someone who appreciates my fine talents. The trip to the hotel brought the first ride in an elevator for A. I'm sure she now will add in the fight to get to push the button for the elevator first. The outing reminded me of the things we take for granted. My "hatched" kiddos think nothing of elevators, or cool sliding doors to the mode bathroom. The tv that can turn towards the bed or to the living area. When we first entered the room, A looked at me and said, "I want to go home." I assured her we were going to have a great time. We did have a great time as we broke out the new board game even if M, L, and C were in hyper mode. A found a safe place in snuggling close to Buddy. When it came time for sleep M,L, and C reminded me of Goldilocks as they fought for the best spots. A snuggled into her sleeping bag on top of the sofa pillow, stuck her pacie in, and didn't make a peep until 8 the next morning. Lucas complained about his spot not being soft enought. Camille tried sleeping on the cushioned bench but it wasn't right. I forced Madeline to share the pull-out sofa bed which she did so willingly (ha). Next thing I know, Camille is in bed with us. What a miserable night. I felt like a kangaroo with an evil joey stuck in my pouch kicking and karate chopping me all night. I did decide it would be a long time before I asked Madeline to share a bed with the karate kid again. The next day everyone complained about their night of sleep, everyone that is except A. What happened to the days of kids sleeping in sleeping bags on the floor? When did sleepovers become sleeping in extra beds? Spoiled.
Super Todd trekked out of the room about 7 with Lucas & Camille in tow. They secured us our seats for the parade. It was just darling watching A clap, wave and dance as all the characters and bands went by. The weather couldn't have been more perfect.
Tried to go ice skating at the Plaza of the Americas but private lessons were going on. It didn't matter to A, who was just as interested in going up and down the escalator. So many new experiences.
Lunch at the All Good Cafe, can't beat the pancakes. Madeline discovered the joy of chicken fried steak. A had to go the bathroom and I am not a fan of public restrooms. At least with Camille I can stand outside the door and not have to see how many germs she is coming into contact with. I pleaded with Madeline to take A. I even offered $5. She turned me down flat, stating she was babysitting tonight so she'd make money then. Spoiled. Then sweet Camille said she would. Of course she followed that with she'd do it for $50. Nice try. I bucked up and did it.
Returned home, exhausted. Spent Friday getting us ready to go, now have to get us unpacked. Some more memories to add and I guess its definitely a family tradition now. The Stanfield's annual Christmas parade getaway. Spoiled.

Bubbles

Today I was once again reminded of what a little "bubble world" I live in. It was the day to take A for her well check. No one in bubble world takes Medicare so we went to Pedi Place in Lewisville. I've been to Tuesday Morning, Hancock Fabric, and 2 consignment stores, but never ventured an additional block off the main drag. It was entering a different world. The place is divided into the well child side and the sick child side with different entryways for each. While we sat waiting, there were 4 other families that entered, none of which spoke the same language, and Spanish was the only one I was even familiar with. My eyes drifted to peoples shoes because I believe you can tell so much from looking at them. One sweet boy had on tennis shoes with toes getting ready to pop thru. Another mom had shoes that were at least 2 sizes too small. I fluctuate between wanting to put on a sign that says I do not belong here to feeling like what else should I be doing to help. We were there for 3 hours. I decided not to write about my experience during those 3 hours until tonight because maybe i would be less snide. The main thing I think is, how could I have a job and still be able to spend half my day there? Absolutely insane. Probably more insane is the fact that I remained so appreciative and kind while I was there. Not to mention that A was her usually angel self the whole time. I do know that if I'd been at a doctor appointment with Mad, Lucas, or Camille & had to wait that long, it wouldn't have happened. The humble effect kicks in when you are so appreciative for this service that a child you have fallen in love with is able to get care at a clean, fun, clinic for free. Thank you to all you tax payers!
Shots didn't go over to well but she bucked up when she had to. We were preparing to leave & had to go out the sick child exit. I opened the door and it was almost like peering into a picture of a refugee camp. There were at least 8 children under age 5 sitting on the floor with their parents in seats behind them. I quickly shut the door and told A that she had to stop crying so that she wouldn't scare all the little children in the waiting room. She sucked up her sniffles, painted on a smile, and off we went. She is something else.
Another amazing thing is, I can't remember ever being complimented on my mommy skills during any of the doctor visits with Madeline, Lucas, or Camille. I think the doc today must have told me at least 3 times what a good job I am doing. I wanted to say, well duh, isn't this what I'm suppose to do? And the sad thing is that, yes, its what mommies & daddies are suppose to do. So why doesn't the job get done? Stinkin' world. Can't we reach out and help more people.
A was rewarded with a trip to the dollar store after being so brave. And lo and behold, what did she pick out, bubbles. Perfect way to end our experience to "the other side" by coming back home and buying bubbles. And I must add that it was sheer delight getting to experience her first bubble blowing, sitting in the front yard with the sun against my back as we blew bubbles and giggled together. Thank you God for all kinds of bubbles.

No Running Water

Sometimes a day without running water can be a blessing, a reminder of something we normally take for granted. I guess I could use it as my fasting for church, but I guess that doesn't truly put me in the right frame of mind that it should be. So, no running water today isn't a blessing, its a huge pain. Especially since I had about 10 loads of laundry all lined up for the day. And of course today was when the case manager came to check on us. No running water at the Stanfields. Yes, Todd, I did check to make sure I'd paid the bill. Turns out the whole street is without. I think I must wash my hands about 50 times a day. I didn't miss the laundry one bit. Enjoyed gluing, cutting, painting, and play dough with A. My favorite things to do. Even better day for the case manager to be here as A trips on a basket in the kitchen and now has a bruise on her cheek. At least i have my witness.
I am once again reminded of what a crummy world this is as I got two calls this afternoon to take in other children. My heart breaks that I can't do it, but my practical side knows I can't. First, it would be very hard on A to have to share "her" room. Second, I don't know how I could find the energy to do it. The documents and doctor visits are very time consuming right now. Please pray for all children who are needing homes to stay in. If anyone close by wants to be a back up babysitter sitter for us by filling out some docs, taking first aid/cpr, and a behavior management class(couple of hours), let me know. All is calm right now as all 3 girls are playing. Lucas is taking up court with the neighborhood boys in the driveway. Now, if we could just have running water.

My Southern Gentleman

What a day. Yes, I must be a stress eater because 2 cinnamon rolls & a Hershey bar(meant for s'mores) are now gone. Took A to the dentist and she did a fabulous job, of course. She loved the water squirter and water soaker up thing. Dr. Clapp was fabulous and got into playing water squirt with her. But, since when have I ever got teary, and certainly not THREE times at the dentist. Good grief, I am going soft(just like Mel & Sherri). It absolutely broke my heart to listen to the lengthy list of what is wrong with A's teeth as Dr. Clapp gave it to his assistant. I guess to summarize would be almost $3000 worth of work. She's 4!!! This is also the first time that I could feel rage billowing in my inner self towards the adults that haven't taken care of her teeth. It has also made be appreciate good ole Medicare. In essence, she is a little time bomb waiting for some serious pain in her mouth. I'll let everyone know when she's goes for the work so BIG prayers can be lifted up.
I haven't bragged on my Lukey boy in awhile but tonight he really stood out. We were going into dance to get Camille & a lady in front of him dropped something. He said,"Ma'am, you dropped something." Ohh, my heart swelled with pride for such the good southern gentleman he is. He also rescued the day when A and Camille had a small incident in the bathroom. They aren't suppose to brush their teeth at the same time, for this very reason. I tell Camille that it would sure be nice if she would apologize to A. She says, "thats not going to happen." Nice. Anyways, super Lucas sweeps in and reads to A while I deal with Camille. I could hear the 2 of them just laughing. No telling what he was reading to her.
I'm missing Gram & Gramps and the extra hands they provided last week. Even if we got no where near done the projects I had hoped for. I did create a little more time for myself by firing myself from some of my responsibilities for Texas Fenestration. Thank goodness Shelley agreed to come back on board and help me. Its amazing how much time an easy child such as A is, especially with appointments, documents, and all the little stuff. I'm not complaining. I am enjoying her so much!

Remembering the Nursery

It is hilariously funny to see Camille brushing A's teeth or cutting up her food for her. What you may not know is that A is bigger than Camille, not taller, but bigger. I can't say that its happening all the time but still to see Camille in big sis role is so fabulous.

Remember the first time you took your baby to the nursery at church? Well, it happened for me again today, only I think it was even more stressful this time around. I explained repeatedly what A was going to do, where I would be, and that if she needed me for any reason to just ask the teacher. We had done our practice run last week with A & I attending Camille's class. A looks at me with her big brown eyes and says you will come and get me? I explain to the teachers that if she even whispers my name to have them page me. I am so nervous about it. Its not like I was abandoning her, but I kept wondering if that's what she was thinking. I took my sticker with her number on it and put it smack dab on my jeans where I wouldn't lose it. I kept waiting for a number to go up on the board during worship just so that I would know that it was working. I didn't' get paged!! I did leave early just so I could get a little peek, plus I didn't want to get caught in the mass of people. She ran to me saying "Nina!" I hugged and kissed her and everything was all right. She loved it! This week I'll work on getting her into preschool. I know she will love it, too.
Super Todd took the lil girls to Tangled today while the big kiddos watched Harry Bottom(well, at least that's what Lucas calls Harry Potter). I stayed home for a luxurious 2 hours by myself, only to de"fall" and get Christmas decorations under control. Its amazing what can be accomplished when you are by yourself.
I am thankful for a fantastic Thanksgiving week with family! Now bring on December.

Too Much Stuff

Its so interesting to see the dynamics of a family of five change with the addition of one. I think it has probably opened Madeline's eyes the most. She has complained of Camille not playing nice with A, and I frankly point out where Camille learned that. A time of growing for all of us. A is doing so great. No tears at bedtime. Hasn't cried out for mommy once today or said that she wanted to go home. 10 days and what a miracle she is. She has fully adopted Big Hair for Madeline's name. I'm often called "My Nina", especially when Gram is around. I think A likes to show a little ownership. She is so easy and has opened herself up to so many new people. We are so enjoying having Gram & Gramps here, even if their RV sits out front.
I think that we could probably house at least 2 other girls with the amount of clothes we have in my girls' closets. But that is slowly changing. I am weeding stuff out, sorting between the 3 girls and getting rid of stuff. I would ask that each of you consider doing the same. There are so many people who are in need and so many places where we can donate our stuff. And, while I clearly know we have too much stuff there's still that voice that says, well if you get rid of that won't there be room for something new? Particularly for Camille. She is the most fun of anyone in the house to buy clothes for. That girl has a sassy style. Speaking of Camille, it makes my heart grow when I hear her & A playing for a couple of hours tonight. Please continue the prayers, because they are working! I know its hard for Camille, especially because A makes us laugh so much. I am proud of the small moments, such as Camille getting A's tennis shoes on her and even tieing them.
I guess next up for prayer requests will be for A as she has both dentist and doctor visits next week. Dentist on Tuesday and Doc on Thursday. I'm more nervous about the teeth. Thanks for joining me in my prayers for our A.

Are you being rude?

What a beautiful day in Texas. Shorts, sunshine, playing outside, Camille even took a dip in the pool, or rather 3 quick jump-ins. Probably too good to last but we sure are enjoying it. Just caught a glimpse of Lucas & Madeline's new cold weather gear to do the 5K Turkey run tomorrow. Goodbye warm weather! I told Todd, I might have run if I'd known a new wardrobe was in store. Hope they are quiet when they leave. Only reason Madeline is going is because of coffee at Starbucks on the way there.
I waited impatiently to hear from A's case manager all morning long about her court date today. She did not have to be there. So much to learn about "the system". Case manager called about noon and said that A gets to stay with us. I guess case manager, CASA, and both mom and grandma thought it was in A's best interest to keep staying with us instead of trying to find some family member who could keep her until mom or grandma can get her back. Yea! It looks like thru Christmas at least.
Please add Camille to your prayers as she's having a tough time with the "competition". She's being pretty rough on A. Of course A keeps us all in line with the reminder of "Are you being rude?" Rude, not me. I did have a heart wrencher of a question from Camille when she asked if I loved A more than her. I said how long have I loved you? I told her since she was a tiny baby in my tummy. Then I said how long have I loved A? And Camille gives me her little grin. Hopefully we can get into a better routine & continue to show everyone how much they are loved.

Olives When We Get Back Home

Why do I wonder or worry? Another day of being reassured by God of the path that we are taking and of His mighty hand in all things. Today was the supervised visit for A. I hadn't said anything to her about the visit until today because I was worried that something might change. I spoke with both the case manager and our CK manager about how to make this visit the best it could be on her. It wasn't so much that I was nervous about seeing her relatives, it was concern for how heartbroken she would be on the way home.
She has discovered a new activity of standing and looking in the refrigerator or looking into the pantry. She discovered a can of olives and wanted to have some. I said we would after her visit with mommy. Thus was our motto of the day, we'll have olives when we get back to the house.
We drove almost an hour and she had the pleasure of viewing Barbie Swan Lake in the luxury van. She did ask a few times "where we going?" I pulled into what I thought was the destination, but discovered it wasn't. Tried to get the stupid iPhone to pull up a new map but it wouldn't. A says,"Nina, CPS is up there." And wowsers, she's right. It made me think of how smart this 4 year old is but it also made me sad because why should she have to know where cps is. Stinkin world. We walk in and of course, there's a line, and I have to sign in and state why I'm there. Soon we get to go back to the visitors room. The case manager brings in a little 2 year old boy who is A's little half bro. He giggles and gives her a big hug. I'm not sure that she knows what to do. Pretty soon in comes bio mom and boyfriend. She's older than the 18 years I thought she might be. She is a beautiful young woman. She is teary when she hugs A and is very kind to me. She thanks me for taking care of A. She says A's hair looks so soft and pretty, I don't brag by telling her I am the funky-do master. I tell A I'll see her in a little while.
Now I have an 1 1/2. Taco Bell, McDonalds, Starbucks, Pizza Hut, or DQ. I take a little step back in time to my roots and go for a buster bar at DQ all by myself. Best one that I have ever had. Its also the first time in over a week I have been by myself. I definitely enjoyed the buster bar more than the time alone. And no, Todd, I didn't eat more than one! i head back to cps and have a small panic moment when I think that A's grandma might actually see inside my van. I look for a car wash on the way back but nope. I do a quick stash of an entire closet's worth of clothes and accessories into the very back and kick the goldfish crumbs, popcorn kernels and who knows what, under the floor mats. I mean, my house is darn near perfect ALL the time so it doesn't usually matter too much if the van is squalor. After all, its not even my squalor, its those three kids that travel with me.
I went back with 15 minutes left to the visit and got to go back and meet A's grandma, the one she calls mommy. Grandma immediately got teary and started thanking me. She'd brought many of A's special things and told me about foods she likes. It is easy to see where the kindness A exhibits comes from. When we left it was with a hug to A and a hug to me. We put on our best marching and marched to the van. Buckled her in and handed her the treats mommy had given her. I said we would see mommy in a week. No tears, no questions, all is calm. Thank you God for taking care of this sweet girl. Thank you for letting her feel safe in our home. We get home and open the can of olives. After all, I love black olives, too.

Monday

It is great having the kids home and particularly good for A to have built in playmates. I loved it when she told me she was playing with my girl and when I asked her which one, she said the one with the big hair. Madeline & I had a good laugh over that one. Big hair Madeline, not a bad thing for a girl in Texas.
Monday, we were taking off for the zoo and then discovered it closed at 4. Thank goodness for kid kastle. Playing, feeding ducks, and flying kites. A beautiful day in Texas. And even more beautiful getting to see it thru the eye's of this beautiful child that has been loaned to us.
I picked A and Lucas to go to the grocery store with me. A perfect choice. No fights, no fussing, and lots of laughs. I find they have similar personalities. Both of which I love! Thank God for a great start to our Thanksgiving week.

Blessing of a Day

Sunday, my favorite day of the week. I love church and it gears me up for the week. I struggled with what to do about church today since Lucas had a lacrosse game at 8:50 and 10:30. I guess what made my final decision, even more than the weather report, was the fact that A talks about going to church and had even asked me if I sing at church. I gather that her mommy must sing in the church choir. So, we girls went to church while Lucas & Todd did lacrosse. Lucas is playing his first season of lacrosse and loves it. It is just rough enough to excite him. Get to church and not knowing how long A will be with us I don't feel like I can just send her off to the 4 year old class. Thanks to Matt T., we get to go with Camille to her class. Of course, it helps that my friend, Kimberly K. is the teacher! A loves the class and especially worship time, which is rockin' at the Village Church. It made me miss serving in children's ministries. Miss Kimberly did happen to mention that Camille was very sassy today. I said this was my normal child. I guess she's normally quiet and reserved. So glad I bring out the best in my kids. Got a text from Todd that the "Bad News Bears" were losing 15-0 at the first game. Ouch. They did come back and win the 2nd game.
I hate to admit it, but I do have one small flaw. That is I watch the Young and the Restless every day. I dvr it and look forward to the night when everyone else is asleep and i can watch my soap opera. I have found lately that listening to A is a little bit like listening to a soap opera that I have never listened to before. It has a vaguely familiar plot but the characters names are very unfamiliar. She'll mention different plots and subcharacters and I just can't plug it all together. She has a supervised visit on Tuesday. I'm not sure if I'll get to meet any of the characters from the soap opera that day or not. I am worried about the visit and what it will do to sweet A after we leave.
I have to say that my entire family is awesome. Lazy a** Madeline gets MVP for the day. She willingly got off the sofa to go play with A. She must have played at least 2 hours with her outside today. It does my heart proud to see Madeline rise to the occasion. I guess I'd hoped that everyone would step up to the plate and help in taking care of A, and everyone has far exceeded my expectations. A even let Todd brush her teeth and read to her tonight. That way I got some extra Camilley time. At dinner tonight A says, "i like being here." The truth is, we like having her here. Thanks be to God for this huge blessing of a day.

Where is Her

Ok, Camille has a new hero. Kenna. I don't know many 5th grade girls who would come over and demo how to do the neti-pot or rather neti-squirter, sinus rinse thing. I about drowned Camille trying it, so Kenna & Becky to the rescue. We'll see how it goes when she does it by herself. She wanted Kenna to come back and help her. Of course, we'd keep Kenna any day.
A was showing some strong allegiance to Todd or Buddy as she calls him. My niece & nephew call us Aunt Nina & Uncle Buddy so A has been calling us Buddy & Nina. A wanted to ride in Buddy's car yesterday. She also insisted that he sit by her in the van. She even chose him over Princess Madeline! I was beginning to think I was going to have to pull out my super burping powers, because, truth be known, I can blow Todd out of the water any day. But, I didn't have to. As soon as she & Todd walked in the house, it was "Where is Her, Where is Her?" And as soon as I appear, she laughs. It is so contagious.
In the confusion of the middle of the night, she calls out for mommy. I say "I'm coming". When she sees me, she says, "Hi, Nina." I tell her that its still dark and to go back to sleep. ok. I tell her I love her and she says that she loves me too. My heart is so full.

Temporary Home

I've been a Carrie Underwood fan since her American Idol debut. We've always had her songs but when Temporary Home came out, it touched my heart. I fully believe in heaven and what a wonderful place it will be. When Madeline had to make a poster and one of the things on it was "What I fear" her answer was dieing. I had to pull out the Carrie song and we went over the chorus.
"This is my temporary home It's not where I belong Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going I'm not afraid because I know this is my Temporary Home."
We are definitely heaven bound. Slipping in our travels at time but striving to do God's will.
I'm cleaning the bathrooms this morning and we are listening to Temporary Home and I am overcome with emotion. Why had I never considered my house as being the temporary home? The windows & rooms that she is passing thru. I am so thankful for home and that we can share it with God's lil angel, A.

"Little boy, 6 years old A little too used to bein' alone Another new mom and dad,another school Another house that'll never be home When people ask him how he likes this place He looks up and says with a smile upon his face"

And that is exactly the blessing that A is to us, because as I listened to this song, I see this sweet spirit skipping in my kitchen. Thank you God for sending me messages in ways it may take me a while to see.

Double Woo Hoo

The midnight movie goers had a great time. Now, Universal Studios is calling to Madeline to go to the Harry Potter park. Didn't do much good for my sleep with the nightowls coming and going.
Have you ever had a shadow that thought you were absolutely the funniest thing? Well, I do. It is such a self esteem boost. Of course, when Todd burps a big one and A laughs till her tummy hurts, the self esteem boost for Todd is a lil much. She has certainly captured his attention.
I thought I would beat the system today by having bathtime in the morning since it turns teary at night when she is so tired. Well, turns out that bath time must bring tears no matter when it is. The great thing is that she took a 2 hour nap and praise God she fell asleep without one single sweet tear. Camille said, she didn't cry tonight. Woo Hoo. The only bad thing is that we probably permanently scarred her from venturing into the jungle. The Rainforest Cafe turned out to be way to much. She thought the elephants, parrots, and fish were hilarious, but the gorillas had her crawled so tightly in my lap and under my neck that I couldn't have gotten her off there if I wanted to. She & I ditched the cafe & all was better. I told her I was so sorry. She said it was ok.
By the way, a new weight loss program, get a four year old! 2 lbs this week. Woo Hoo!

Slippers

Madeline wears slippers to school today so we make plans to go get A some slippers too. I refrain from just buying her anything and everything at her fav store, good old Wal-Mart. She loves to touch things but always asks before she does. Is this kid for real, I think?
My phone rings more than ever. Follow up calls with cps, attorney, case manager, dr., dentist, I'm not sure what all else. My phone is dropping calls like crazy. A tells me I need to go to the phone store. Its a new world and I'm keeping my fingers crossed I'm doing everything right. Did I mention how amazing she is? She entertains herself while i am doing my chores and she wants to join right in.
We get the slippers, and Kristi & Kara bring by some sweet, soft pajamas. I have such good support. Another teary bedtime. I've got to get this kid a nap so this doesn't happen. She woke up at about 5 this morning and can't find the pacie(I hate pacifiers). I'm thinking I'm way too old to crawl under that bed to find it. She tells me that the pacie fairy must have taken it. No fit, no tears, no nothing. Wow. Goes back to sleep. Its so eerie how well adjusted this child is. Nothing in our foster care training said it would be like this.
Camille comes down and says her pjs she's suppose to wear to school tomorrow have a hole in the knee. Come on, Joyce, sew up the holes before you pass them down. A quick trip to Old Navy and she is now equipped. I wonder how many parents had to go by public worthy pajamas for their kids to wear to school? Camille squeals with delight with the new goods and I am so glad I got the cute puppy slippers, too. Camille got teary tonight when A was crying to go home. Camille said she was so sad because A is so sad. Me, too, I say. All of our hearts are forever changed. Camille has said she wouldn't be able to be without us. I assure her that that won't happen. I'm trying to make sure everyone has their special time. It works out well with A going to bed so early, plenty of time for my sweet babies. We don't know how long she'll be with us. But, man, I am so thankful for her and so humbled by her sweet spirit.
Better catch some sleep while I can. I think T & Madeline are going to see Harry Potter at midnight. Not me, I'm too tired. Oh, one more story. You probably haven't noticed but I think almost every children's book mentions mommy or daddy, or some kind of family matter. Tonight we are reading a book and I switch the word mommy to friend. I'm almost 40 and I thought that was pretty smart. Well, the just turned 4 year old tells me at the end, "thats not a friend, thats the mommy." Amazing.

Wednesday

I forget what its like to have Madeline in play practice. I hardly ever see her. The week is flying by. A is so comfortable with herself. It is really beginning to hit me what an amazing child she is. Her "mommy" has loved her so much. Darn crummy choices and now I can't imagine how lonely A's mommy must be.
Todd and A are now singing the "I say potato, you say potato" song as we have lunch together. They are quite the comedy singing duo. She sits down with the book I read to her at bedtime the night before and recalls the main story line as she tells it to all of use while we are eating breakfast. I quickly discover she's not much of an eater, but does like goldfish crackers, who doesn't? At dinner she joins in peeling carrots with Camille & lucas. She loves to be outside. Thanks Tracey for the scooter and Tonia for the bike. Ask and ye shall receive.
I have a small meltdown after getting her settled into bed. My heart is just breaking for her mommy. I mean this kid is so much better behaved than mine. She is reminding mine to walk beside me. She is patient, tender, and so very funny. I'm just so sick about her missing her mommy so much and can't imagine how lonely her mommy is.

Bedtime

Ugh, bedtime. Mainly the only time when my heart actually melts as A cries that she wants to go home. It lasts but maybe 5 to 10 minutes and she is so amazing. I rub her sweet back and she falls asleep. Thank you God for bringing her to us. She wakes up a few times calling for mommy. I'm coming. She doesn't know my name. I forget that this little girl has just turned four. She is so exhausted from playing so hard all day. When 6 hits she just can't do it anymore and all she wants is to go home.
Oh, I can't believe I forgot, I also got the call from Madeline on Monday that she got a part in the school play. I am so proud of her! The Music Man will be performed in February.

Seeing things thru a new set of eyes

You know how you hear horrible stories about kids in foster care arriving with their things in a plastic sack. I have now seen it with my own eyes. What is even more sad or more heartwarming is that the maybe 8 articles in there were all with tags from probably a thrift store. I was thinking someone sent A with the best they could do. No worries though, God provides. 3 weeks ago I was texting Joyce about the ridiculous amount of hand me downs that we had accumulated for Camille. I think I'd counted 24 outfits. That wasn't even including the things that didn't quite fit her that I had set in the playroom. For some reason I didn't add them to the pile I took to CCA. Now I know why. They fit her perfectly. We have managed to pull together quite an ok wardrobe for A. Thank you God for seeing ahead to things I wouldn't know about.
Our first morning A plops herself down at the kitchen table like she's been doing it for years. She laughs at all of us like we are the best comedians ever. Her laugh is so contagious, we all look at each other and laugh even more. A wants to go with me to take the kids to school. It is so neat to see things thru her eyes. We take for granted the garage door opener, the ice in the fridge, the pumpkin in the yard. Thanks Kris for giving her a pumpkin. We get everyone off to school and our day begins. Get the call from Camille's doc and the head scan is clear but there is a sinus infection. 21 days of antibiotics twice a day. Good grief. Poor thing. Luckily she can toss back a pill like a pro.
A and I begin our day. Play dough, paint, all those things I love. She isn't a tv girl and doesn't seem to even know who Shrek is. That is awesome. We make our first journey out. Discover her fav color is green as we go thru the bank drivethru. She likes music and keeps telling me to turn it up. No wonder she, Todd & Lucas have so much in common. We arrive at Target to get her new toy. She says she isn't going to use her pacie. I believe it. BTW, she found it in her coat pocket that morning. She touches every button on every toy in the toy section. She points to the moon sand kit, and yes, I 'm still hard hearted, because I say thats kind of messy. Ok, she says in stride. No fit, no nothin. Where are my kids to see this? She doesn't ask for a thing the whole trip. She settles on a giant squishy type ball that she finds very hilarious. Ok, I'm not too hard hearted, because the pacie does make its way back to the scene at bedtime that night.
She is having so much fun. She is full of questions and so mannerly. Please, thank you. Of course, she and Todd share some laughs over burps at the lunch table. School calls and Camille has a headache, not sure if its a headache or a heartache and she needs to come home to see what she is missing. Soon we are all 3 outside then head up to school to get Lucas. They all 3 enjoy playing on the playground and A manages to do a pretty good job of keeping up with everyone. Her cries of "look at me" just delight me. Dance after school and A comes along like the trooper she is. I'm not sure if she is more fascinated with the water fountain, dance clothes, or watching Camille. My favorite thought is of the next morning when she tells me she wants to wear some dance shoes, but not those pink ones. I dig and find some tap shoes and our hardwood floors are now a little more distressed.

The Pacifier

I feel like I am in a fog as papers and explanations are sat in front of me to sign. I can't imagine what Todd is thinking as he signs the papers. Its a little like sitting in a class where the teacher slips into a foreign language every once in awhile. They keep asking if I have any questions, and I have the glazed "duh" look on my face of "I'm feeling too stupid to even think of a question". Madeline & Lucas kick into super hostesses mode. A(as I will call the angel girl) is given a monster size glass of milk in a glass cup no less and I'm not sure how many cookies they eat on the sofa. I'm trying not to watch them as I continue with the signing. A is giggling and before I know it, she and Lucas are engaged in a game of hide and seek. Who can refuse the charms of Lucas? Of course, Madeline is just sucking in the tv which she was suppose to be grounded from.
Paperwork is finished and now here we are. Its after 10 when I get the tub filled and then have to remember that you can't leave a kid in the tub, you have to have all the stuff gathered. We get the stuff and she hops in. She is smiling and it is contagious. I get her in bed and remember the pacifier. Yes, the cps dude told me about the pacifier and that I should really keep up with that one. I know, less trauma, but a pacifier for a 4 year old. Ok, I can do this. Only thing is, I can't find the darn thing. She thinks she left it in cps dude's truck. I'm thinking, oh crap, I remember a certain Camilleybug that loved her pacie. I told A that I we'd either get her a new pacie tomorrow or that she could get a toy. She said ok, I patted her back and she fell asleep. Its the first but far from the last time that I will be amazed. Please know, this child has always lived with the same people. She did tell me that she didn't know if she could sleep in that bed. I'm thinking, there's no way I could probably sleep in that bed either and its only 25 steps away from mine. I'm a girl that likes her own bed & pillow. She sleeps until 6:30. Camille is ecstatic to meet A in the morning. They are 2 giggling girls. One brown curly top and one blond curly top. Finally, Camille can be a big sis.

The Call

I'm laughing as I type the title to this post for that is exactly what this journey has been, a calling from God. From time I was in my early 20's I've felt nudges about things to do and I never doubted what those nudges were. This has probably been my biggest nudging, perhaps kicking, but ultimately the calling that I felt was what God had intended for my family. Praise God for putting Todd's heart where he would join me in that call. Thanks to our homegroup for their prayers.

Monday morning I'm taking Camille to the doc for a headache. Its not her eye sight so he wants to do a head scan & sinus scan. Yes, I am scared. While we are in the doc office, Todd calls and says that he answered the home phone because Covenant Kids was calling. That Todd answered the home phone was a miracle in itself. He said after listening to the description of the 2 kids, it was evident that this was more than we were ready to handle. I flopped back and forth about it but ultimately knew he was right. Took Camille for her scan that afternoon. She is a champ. "Best lil person" the technician has ever seen and only subjected to a tiny amount of radiation. Left the office, dropped Camille with Todd, and went to see the middle school counselor. I was thinking on my way there, I could probably use a good visit myself with a counselor today. Talked with her and she agreed to kick Madeline's rear into action for some papers not turned in. Well, not really, but she did have some suggestions. Got home and Todd, in typical fashion, had papers to be mailed out by 5 that had to be printed & notorized. I'm rushing to the notary when I get "THE CALL". Can we take a 4 year old girl? A brief description & I say yes. The girls at the accountant's office are the first to know. Todd doesn't answer his phone so I give a text. At 5:30 I'm told that it might not work out. At 7 I'm told they will be there at 8:15. I don't even panic. I am so ready for this, and hey, I can do a 4 year old girl. I get the cookies in the oven, Camille is asleep, and we wait.

We get our license

Fast forward and we are finally settled in our new home. School is started and its time to get going again on the process of getting our foster care license. We get everything turned in and have our home study scheduled for a Thursday. I'm feeling a little nervous about it all until I walk into The Village Church on the Sunday before and what is there, The Heart Gallery. Takes my breath away and takes me back to my first foster care meeting. I know God is watching over us and it even becomes more evident when I am speaking to one of the church staff who tells me that The Heart Gallery wasn't scheduled to come until the following Sunday. God is not whispering in my ear. He is shouting and that makes it so easy to follow. And, we did it. Passed our home study with only a few minor glitches. As of a little over a week ago, we are now a licensed foster care home. The day I got news of the license, my stomach would flop every time the phone rang. Finally I settled in and knew that I had to give it to God. He has certainly carried us this far, I knew He wouldn't leave us now.

The beginning of our Journey

I would have to saw that writing this takes me back to the time when I was between 10 and 15 years old. I was constantly with paper. My greatest writings always included a big family. My daydreams included running an orphanage. Fast forward, I'm not saying how many years, but I'm picking up my writing again. About 3 years ago Trietsch United Methodist Church had a Heart Gallery showing. This is a gallery of photos of children in North Texas who are in the foster care system and waiting for adoption. I guess this was my first real step in looking into the fostering program. Following the Heart Gallery, there was an informational meeting. This was what I would call "testing the water" or rather God planting the first step in my heart. Last winter Todd & I attended our first informational meeting together. North Texas has agencies that work with CPS to train, inform, find families, etc.. It was from that meeting we were given about 15 names of agencies that we could choose from. From there, I had narrowed the list down to 2. It was on a Thursday and I'd set my goal of making a decision on an agency by that Friday. I took C to gymastics and happened to sit next to a mom with a new baby. As she was talking on the phone I heard her say "cps". I couldn't help but ask her about the sweet baby. She said that she was a foster mom and the baby came to her a day old! Of course, I had to ask her which agency she used. It was one of the 2 I had on my short list. Covenant Kids. It wasn't her day to be at gymnastics, her son was doing a makeup class. This was my first huge sign of how God is working in my life. We completed our training and then the process slowed down as we moved to a house a mile down the road. At times I thought we wouldn't really continue this journey, but God has plans for us. One moment that truly sticks out in my mind is when I was leaving the house with M and she had struck every nerve in my body. I was thinking to myself, I can't even manage the kids I have, how am I suppose to be a foster mom. I got into the van and the radio was having a dial in show. The woman was sharing about what a difference her foster mom had made in her life. Ok, God, I am listening! There have many other instances of talking to people who have either foster/adopted/or been affected in some way by this. They are also the reason why we have stayed on course.