Outlive Your Life by Max Lucado

One week into home with only the hatched. If I did't have this darn sinus infection i think I might be able to get some things done. I have swept under the sofa. Got Camille's room spring cleaning under way. Placed an Easter decoration out. Last night I was feeling so crummy and tired of listening to Camille's whining that at 6:30 I told Madeline I was going to bed. When I woke up at 8, Camille was in her bed asleep, Madeline was doing homework, and Lucas was hanging in his room. House under control, even when I wasn't. It's a good thing to have break.

When we were in Vegas Todd kept asking or requesting, I'm not sure which, if we were going to take a break from foster care. He wanted me to make sure and get off the call list because he knew if I got a call I wouldn't be able to turn it down. Our case manager was her on Tuesday and she also thought a short break would be good for us.

Did I mention that when we were in Taos over spring break that I gave Todd my iPad and asked him to go to the wifi spot to download a book or two for me. Without any directions he chose, Outlive Your Life by Max Lucado. The book didn't download all the way do it wasn't until we were in Vegas that I got the download. In summary, Mr. Lucado is building on the principals in the book of Acts. Everyday Christians. Then he drives home the point of feeding the hungry children of the world. I told Todd that he is sending me mixed signals. The book is fuel for my desire of foster care. We will take break but I have no doubt that that is exactly what it will be a break. God speaks to my heart and I know that as an everyday Christian I am to feed the hungry children at this magnificent table I have in my kitchen. While I am certainly at peace with a respite, especially while I take my antibiotics, I calmly yet anxiously await what He has in store for us.

The Visit

Saturday night I get in from my trip and gram, the girls and I pack up A's room. I think there were 8 kitchen garbage sacks filled with clothes and mainly toys that her mommy had bought her while she was here. Then there was the play kitchen, little kid table that I had never even unwrapped, and her scooter. There was still enough room for Lucas to cram in the backseat. We picked Lucas up from a sleepover. He said he went to sleep at 4:30. Great. I was sure we would see signs of a sleepover hangover as we call it at my house. Thats another story. My mom thought we were going to a Methodist church, I guess because I'd talked about the Methodist men's group helping. Camille was mad we weren't going to our church and wanted to know where we were going. I said as long as there wasn't a golden idol or a cow at the center of the stage and that our God was being worshipped then we would be fine to be there one Sunday. Walked in and A was in a prayer circle. Her mommy said they went early for the prayer service because she figured they could use all the prayers they could get. We were treated like royalty. The congregation was so warm and friendly. A's mommy proudly introduced us to several people. Saw another case worker from the cps office. I think she was surprised to see me there. We enjoyed the service, even Camille. Got to hold A on my lap and Madeline larder told me that she was holding A's hand. Then she went back to her mommy. It has to be so confusing for her trying to figure this out. I told her that all of her family was there and that we all love her. I was told that kk & Z were doing great. They had all had dinner together the night before. Madeline & Camille are constantly asking when we can see the. I think I'll contact Auntie & see if we can meet this weekend. I'm a little fearful that seeing the will make me miss them more.

After church we followed the to way out of town. A term that I would hear used in my teenage years comes to mind but I will refrain from profanity or acronyms for profanity. It wasn't even a trailer park. Just a corner of some land off a dirt road. It has been a day since I was there. Since then I have gone thru the emotions of being sad,angry, disgusted, and the apathetic to what I saw. I will try to paint a bit of a picture without sounding too pious. Appliance and old chair in the front that could be deemed a yard. A was freaking out at what I thought was a dog toy. Camille kicked it with her cowboy boot. Nope, A's daddy said it was real. Really dead. 5 dogs so no wonder. Stairs that looked like they could give way any minute. No hand rail. Litter box under the kitchen table. I will stop with that. A was so proud to show us her room. I am so happy that she has no concept of the differences between homes. On the way out I hushed Camille as she was groaning about the size of A's room. If it was only the size that she saw the. I am happy. We unloaded everything, said our goodbyes and I told them to call if they ever needed anything. And thus is the end of the chapters of A. I'm not sure when our paths will meet again. I am sure that they have a church family to support them and tons of love for A. The rest I am just not really clear about.

Reflections

It is now time for my return to home. I am sitting in the airport by myself preparing to board in 30 minutes. The trip got off to a very rough start but I ended up having a great time. I told Todd if I could have one more week then I think I could be rested up. I still don't feel all that great. I haven't been able to hear clearly since we left Taos over a week ago. I decided that while in Vegas it wasn't such a bad thing to have limited hearing. Lots of rest and thinking. Todd & I reflected a lot on the 4 year old girl that came to live with us around thanksgiving. Pacifier, sippy cup, overweight, uncoordinated, no personal hygiene skills, couldn't hold a pencil yet so well behaved and obviously loved as she was so kind and thankful. I think about the person she is today and I think what a great description. She is a person, an individual. She is no longer a 4 year old body that someone has tried to keep as a baby. I signed her up to be tested for special Ed because I felt like she was so behind in speech, gross motors, and fine motors. After a month with us, we were already beginning to see a different child. One who could skip, hold a pencil, and didn't use the word ain't. She soaked up even more as we signed her up for private preschool. Through the positive growth we also witnessed a change for the negative. A child who could throw a crying fit for an hour. A child who couldn't work herself out of fit no matter what technique we tried. I am worried about her coping skills. I don't understand how a child can get upset over a small incident than not be able to stop herself from spinning it into serious crying fit. She could not figure out how to stop crying so that she could simply step out of her room. This became very disturbing to the family and a true test of our patience. I know that I didn't always pass the patience test. I worry about her. I worry about if she will be allowed to do anything she wants so she will never have to use her coping skills. I worry that she will have trials and won't be able to cope. I pray for little A.

A is back home

Wednesday Can't even describe the day. Blogging from the iPhone seems to inhibit my thoughts from freely flowing. Todd & I boarded the plane for Vegas at 9:40. I love sales meetings. Got off the plane around 1 Las Vegas time. I saw that I had a missed call from our agency case manager. Called her & she didn't answer. We are sitting waiting to get our luggage when she calls back. My mom's certification for CPR is not valid. They will no longer accept the training from online. Even though she was the one that gave us the link to the online training. She is very sorry about the error. She says that A will need to go into respite care. A stranger's home until I get home. I am speechless and sickened. After a trip to the bathroom to compose my mascara I call her again and say that A needs to go home not into respite and that she needs to call cps. She is agreeable to that.

Guess I should back up a bit and say that the grandparents drug test came back negative on Tuesday. I got a call on Tuesday saying that A would be going home. Since I wanted to take her, the placement would be on Sunday. I will get back into town on Saturday. This wasn't the ideal time since I would be our of town until then but I knew I had time to plan and somehow get it all done.

Then comes today. After trying to organize between Gram, agency case manager, cps case manager, myself, CPS supervisor, and the attorney, A is now home. I called my mom & told her where the new suitcase was and to just pack her clothes on the second shelf. She also needed to pack both her special pillows she sleeps with. I think it was around 4:15 Texas time that A left for home. I know the time because Madeline said when she got home from school the case manager was there and A told her that she was going home. Madeline said that it was the happiest she had ever seen A so Mad said she wasn't going to cry and upset A. I'd called A's grandma/mommy and she was beside herself with excitement. She was also confused as to how such good luck was heading her way. I explained the days crazy circumstances and how I never would have town if A was to be put in respite care. My case manager is young. She made a mistake. She is super sorry and totally accepted responsibility for it. It is good that I am older and wise and could think clearly enough to insist A get to go home or any other solution but not staying in a stranger's house for respite care. I am thankful to CPS for pulling it off, getting the attorney's signature and making things happen in a short amount of time. I know they are overworked. A's mommy asked that when I bring her the rest of A's things if I could come and go to church with them. She says everyone knows of "Nina" and she wants me to meet their church family. A request that is hard to turn down. I will see A on Sunday. I have a feeling that it will not be the last time we see her. Almost 5 months with us and she will always be ingrained in my heart. Many good times and many rough times. I'll have more time to ponder that.

The case manager called & left a message of the jubilant reunion and the new pink car seat. A is back at home.

Downward Spiral

I feel like we've begun the downward spiral. Literally and figuratively. A's grandparents/mommy & daddy took their drug test last week so as long as everything comes back negative that should be the final stamp on the card for her to go home. I talked to her mommy on the phone and asked her about the windows they need installed. She doesn't have the money right now to pay for them but will be able to after she pays the utilities. I made a couple of calls and talked to CASA. Our CASA worker, CASA Jill as we call her, was able to get the United Methodist Church on the line and it looks like they have a group of men that can go help. After learning more about installing windows in a mobile home, I'm pretty sure that I could go do it myself. Its hard to understand how things move so slow. Why the windows aren't installed, why is there money for junk food and toys but not for windows. If you think I have a hard time understanding it, you should just get Todd started on the subject.
A has also begun a downward spiral. I hope my mom is not reading this or if anyone reads this and talks to my mom they better not spill the beans.(Gram is coming to town) I knew we had a rough weekend after the visit A had with mommy & daddy on Friday but it got worse today. I think she had at least 9 fits. At least 4 of which she just mumbled, mommy or momma. I know it is heart breaking, but it is much less heartbreaking when your ears are breaking and your patience has been worn very thin. I'm trying to remember the emotional turmoil this child is in but the havoc on my sanity is wearing thin. I'm trying to decide if I just need to change the way I parent her in the last couple of weeks that she is with us. If I just give in to everything and let her do whatever, will the fits be avoided and my sanity restored? I just don't know what to do. It can be the tiniest thing or at least it seems that way to me. She sits down at the table and I say that I haven't got her lunch ready so she can go play while I get it ready. She wants to go in the backyard but I'm not ready & she can't go without an adult. 9 times today. And fits aren't the minute fits. I'm talking at least 5 minutes and that's on the low end. I'm going to bed. I'm going to pray that I will know how to handle this child, to love this child, to have patience restored in me & the family. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil 4:13. Please pray for A. I know she is so ready to go home. I just hope that the image they have created for her is as wonderful as she deserves. I guess I'm not just thinking about a beautiful, pink room. I'm talking about parents who nurture, teach, guide, have healthy eating habits, cleaning habits, and make wise choices. I guess the prayers are the same. We all need to be the best parents we can be.

If they are happy - so am I

I guess I'd totally forgotten to mention that Madeline has been MVP since being on spring break. At least when A is concerned. She has been patient, kind, and indulgent to A. It has been a motivation for me. During times of seeing the best in the hatched kids I am reminded of the great expectations I had for our family when thinking about doing foster care. Everyone has exceeded those expectations. Even Todd got out of bed to attend 6 hours of foster care training. When he got home I was all ready to hear about the day. Turns out he had the perfect instructor for him. He said they weren't asked to share their stories or contribute in the class. Totally opposite from the class I'd taken a couple of weeks ago. Either that or he was so tuned into his laptop he didn't know when it was his turn to share.

A had supervised visit on Friday for 2 hours. I think besides being pumped full of the usual junk food, she was filled with pictures of her newly decorated princess room and how she would get to come home soon. Case manager has been telling me that the grandparents were completing all of their service plan. I don't have a lot of merit in time frames since KK & Z were suppose to be with us 2 weeks and it was 2 months. Anyway, since the visit A has been crying for her mommy a lot. She has also retreated back to calling me into her room several times & asking if I'm going to check on her. I don't think grandma is doing any favors for A. It makes it hard on all of us.

Auntie called tonight & I got to talk to KK & Z. I'd texted her to ask if I could call the kids. KK was all happy & chatty. They were headed to the park. She wanted an update on what everyone in the family was doing. She then asked if I wanted to talk to Z. The only thing he could talk about was Buddy. I went outside & got Buddy on the phone. When he handed the phone back to me all Z continued to talk about was his Buddy. The lil traitor. It's obvious he's moved on to a new woman, but since there's no daddy at Auntie's house his heart is still with Buddy. I'm just so glad they are happy. If they are happy than so am I.

Good to be Home or Not?

Taos is limited in phone reception and wi-fi. We would drive to a nearby condo and sit in the parking lot to get Todd's email or download a new book for me. The mornings would being at 9 when the slopes open. I know how much Madeline loves to ski if she will willingly get out of bed to be at the base when the lifts open. I love to see Madeline and Lucas bond. They have taken up against Todd and will go off by themselves. Any activity that has them as friends versus foes is an excellent sport. Everyone is enjoying themselves and the weather is warm enough that you can sit outside and watch the activities without having to wear a coat. So, therefore, I don't mind it too much either.
Todd is flipping thru the pictures on my phones and takes a long pause at the picture of Z. I see tiny tears slipping down his face and of course, then I have them too. I text our case manager and she says the kids are doing good. I wonder if she would tell me if they weren't doing so good.
Day 3 of skiing and Camille is ready to hit the slopes with the big kids and Todd. I'm not so sure. I give Todd the warning that nothing better happen to her. I get A to ski school and go back to the cottage. Get a text probably 15 minutes after Todd sent it since there is a delayed response. Camille is hurt, not bad, but she is crying and can I come get her. Good grief, I should have listened to the sinking feeling I had all morning. She is fine. Twisted her leg but after a movie and snacks, she is good to go and wants to go back with them. I veto it for that day.
I pick up A from ski school and she says that she was crying and that they put her in with the babies. It isn't until the next day that a voicemail pops up from the ski school from 24 hours before saying that A is crying and what would I like to be done. I guess I'm thankful I didn't hear the message, as she ended up having a great day and so did I.
We ventured home on Wednesday but only made it Amarillo. After having to stop the car so A could get sick and listening to her cry for a couple of hours, all of our nerves were rather thin. Got a nights sleep then arrived home yesterday. I've been pumping benadryl and advil but think that I'm going to make it. Too much laundry to mention and a huge house to keep up with. I feel like I've stepped back into gluttonyville after being in the little cottage. Too much house with too much stuff. I guess it does give us the advantage of being able to have 6 kids!! It does cause me to pause and wonder why we need all of this room. Definitely something to think about. I still haven't figured out whether or not I'm glad to be home. There are little reminders of KK & Z everywhere I look. The forgotten sock, the doll that was in the dryer. The pink lipgloss on the comforter. The dings on the table where Z stabbed his fork before we figured out he needed plastic silverware. The cardboard box at the foot of the stairs that can be removed. The smell of downy on the clothes will always remind me of Z. I switched from bounce sheets to downy sheets just a couple of weeks before KK & Z came to stay with us. Now the smell reminds me of the sweet boy who loved to cuddle and twirl my hair. Hoping that I can talk to them on the phone this weekend. I want them to know that I loved them. I haven't forgotten them. I still wonder what they must be thinking. Too much to happen in their sweet little lives.

Matthew 14:23

Matthew 14:23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside to pray. . .

I took KK & Z to their Auntie's on Thursday morning, and on Thursday afternoon we loaded up the van and drove to Taos. An impromptu ski trip since we didn't know what our kid count would be until that Tuesday. Todd got online and found a little cottage called the Hansel and Gretel. I wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not. Also, there weren't any pictures listed online of it. I think that Todd was fearful that we were all going to have a breakdown after KK & Z were gone. I also think he was really wanting to snowboard. I woke up Thursday morning to my daily devotion that is emailed from Trietsch. It was Matthew 14:23. Ok, so God & Todd wanted us to go to the mountains. 12 hours later and we were there.
The cottage was just that, a quaint, clean maybe 800 sq feet of space. The family room and open kitchen(no dishwasher) with a bathroom were there(yes, I brought my clorox wipes). A bedroom and loft area upstairs. I'm not sure why my children feel so entitled that no one can share a bed. Of course, I'd sleep on the floor before I ever had to share a bed with karate Camille.
We got there before the spring break crowd and had 2 days of skiing and snowboarding. I guess that makes it sound like I was actually doing one of those activities. I was not. It was about a 10 minute walk to the slopes so I graciously became the shuttle driver. Put A & Camille into ski school and I actually had a few hours to myself. Made use of my iPad and downloaded several books. I think I could easily adapt to a little cottage and a laid back lifestyle. I'd add a dishwasher though.
Plenty of time to think and pray. Particularly when I lay awake at night listening to the sounds of 4 kids and a husband all within 10 feet of me. So much to be thankful for, especially the privilege of loving on KK & Z. I think that perhaps it is Camille that misses them the most or at least she is the most vocal about it. She keeps saying I miss, KK & Z. We all do.

I took Z & KK to their Auntie's house yesterday morning. About a 45 minute drive. Just enough time to hear a lil country song that so aptly put the thoughts I was having into words.

My Wish lyrics

Songwriters: Steele, Jeffrey; Robson, Steve;

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow

And each road leads you where you want to go

And if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose

I hope you choose the one that means the most to you

And if one door opens to another door closed

I hope you keep on walkin' ?til you find the window

If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile

But more than anything, more than anything

My wish for you

Is that this life becomes all that you want it to

Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small

You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to

I hope you know somebody loves you

And wants the same things too

Yeah, this is my wish

I hope you never look back but you never forget

All the ones who love you and the place you left

I hope you always forgive and you never regret

And you help somebody every chance you get

Oh, you'd find God's grace in every mistake

And always give more than you take

But more than anything, yeah more than anything

And so their journey continued. The 4th home in 6 months. I'm so thankful for the stop they made at my home. It's a new home, in a nice neighborhood. Plenty of space for the kids to play. The hardest part was peeling a lil 3 year olds arms from around my neck as he is crying and saying Nina over and over. I hand him to Auntie and whisper in her ear that if she changes her mind to just call me.

I get in my van and yes I'm sad. Thinking of how a 3 year old can possibly understand what is going on and all the crap that life has dealt him. I hope this is a stable home where he & KK can establish some roots. We are planning on staying in touch and getting the kids together in a couple of weeks. Auntie called after I'd left to tell me that he'd stopped crying. I'm glad she called. The van is quiet and I can't say that that isn't such a bad thing. Six kids is a lot especially when they are 3,4,5 and 6. We'll see how everyone feels after the weekend.

Thankful for my Texas Friends

I am exhausted, so just a few thoughts as to my day. I am blessed with many close friends in Texas who have become my extended family when my family is unable to be here. Everyone rallied today & we gave a great going away party for KK & Z. Camille is a great party planner. She also loves having a built in audience for Justin Bieber karoake. Thanks my sweet friends for being here for all of us.
Got almost everything packed. Only cried 3 times. Dropping Z off at daycare for the last time. Bringing treats to KK at school to share with her friends. Luckily I had my sunglasses with me and she thought nothing of me wearing them. And then, just when I think I'm just too tired from the past 2 months and am glad to be getting back to a little normal, Kara arrives and brings a ratty looking monkey key chain. My tears fall again. Kara is a super friend of Madeline's and we pick her up for school every morning. Monkey has been attached to Kara's bag and each morning she takes it off because Z wants to hold it. What a priceless gift of love from such a sweet friend. Z loves that monkey and I am so proud of Kara for giving it to him, even if it did make me cry. God's love is shown in so many ways. Today I am thankful for friends.

We will miss them

The circus is packing up. Got the call from the attorney on Monday afternoon that she felt much better about the kinship placement so Z & KK will be going to live with their Auntie on Thursday. As I told all 3 of the hatched kids I could see the sadness. They will definitely miss them. Perhaps it will be hardest on Camille. She & KK have become such good friends. I'm sure that we will all have our sad moments, but then when the house is without crying or whining or poopy pants, I'm sure we'll be ok. A is the only one that is excited to see them go. She thanked God in her prayers for sending Z to Auntie's house. She is looking forward to the calm and in getting more attention. I don't think that she will be with us much longer either. How quickly our home will change.
I find that when I blog on the iPhone that my thoughts are much more concise. I guess its because its just my thumb talking and when I add all 10 fingers together my thoughts can ramble a lot faster. I was the fastest typist in high school. Probably not quite as fast these days.
Camille & KK came downstairs yesterday and said they wanted to have a party on Saturday. I said that KK would be at Auntie's house so let's do it on Wednesday. Camille looked at me with big eyes and said, Auntie's house forever? Yes, I said. KK didn't seem bothered by it at all. The two set off to make a shopping list for me and an invitation list. Spent most of Monday evening working on it.
I peeked in on Z last night and there's nothing sweeter than a sleeping kid. Brought Madeline & Lucas in with me and couldn't help but have a few tears slip away. We love him so much. Especially when he's sleeping.
Tuesday is always an interesting day because of supervised visits. I never know exactly what our schedule will be depending on if KK & Z's mommy will be there for the visit. She couldn't come today because she got a job and couldn't get off work. I am happy for the job and hope that it brings a steady routine to her life. A got to go to the visit by herself. She was skipping with glee around the house. Only bad thing is that she came home with a new frilly nightgown and new toys. This is a normal thing but usually KK & Z go so they get the new loot, too. Unfortunately they didn't get anything today. Neither of them said anything but it sure as heck bothered me. My parents and Todd's parents have treated all the children the same, hatched or unhatched, everyone got Valentine's. I don't understand how she doesn't treat the children the same. I know she's raised one as her daughter and the other 2 are in the grandkids role, but everyone should get the same presents.
While I'm on my soap box, I must also mention the fact, that I am extremely aggravated with the snacks A's mommy brings her. Hamburger, chips, super size sprite, beef jerky, olives, and I'm not sure what else. Did I mention that A's lost 10 pounds since living with us? I am so afraid that everything we've worked so hard on is going to be lost when she returns home. Our case manager has asked for me to write down all the healthy things A will eat. I'm going to document a whole lifestyle for her. I want her to be healthy and fit. She is such a beautiful child.
Spent the day doing laundry and inventory of KK & Z's things. Anytime a kid comes or goes, I have to inventory their stuff. It would have gone much faster if Z hadn't of dumped the 2 tubs of clothes that I had already organized. I guess its kind of a healing process to fold, count, and pack their clothes away. KK helped with packing her toys since I wasn't sure which belong to her and which are A's. I decided I better have A come in too because KK sometimes likes to claim A's things as her own. We had to call Camille in for the deciding vote on several of the toys. During all of this KK just goes on like normal. She isn't sad. She isn't happy. So hard to pin point how she is feeling. She is excited about getting a party tomorrow. I'm also bringing treats for her class.
Got all the little ones to bed and Camille comes into the kitchen and says, why do they have to go? I pick her up and hold her. She is such a tough little girl. She refuses to cry but I can see her heart is so sad. I tell her that KK & Z were only suppose to be with us 2 weeks and we got to have them for 2 months. We have been blessed by their presence in our home. I go up and tuck her in and she again asks why they must leave. I then go into a more detailed explanation of the foster care process. I think she might get it. I can't say that we've had that much of a discussion about it before.
Got all settled with my laptop and Todd joins me at the table. Everyone has been drawing close and wanting to talk about all that is going on with the precious children in our home. I know I don't have to explain it to him as I have Camille, but I do try and reassure him that KK & Z will be ok.
Tomorrow I will take my shopping list and get the party ready for my KK & my Z to leave. Yes, tears are falling as I type. I will miss them. I am so thankful for the love they've put in my heart.

Camille went into Z's room last night and said that she misses him & KK. It's the first audible notice she's given of the fact that she has grown attached to Z, too. Today she has asked at least 5 times as to when KK will be coming home. My mind has wandered more times than I can count to thoughts of them, too. How is there weekend going, what will this week bring. I'm just hoping some decisions are made so that we can start accepting whatever terms there are.

I did manage a night without anyone yelling for Nina, someone getting sick, or any other weird episodes. Sleep can be such a good thing.

Go to pick up the kids & they are both crying & mad cause they want to go into Mcdonalds. Mean old me takes the home & they gleefully run to Todd who is waiting for them at the playground.

It's a transition night for us as we try to refresh their little minds about what behaviors are acceptable. They are both tired. Get Z tucked in and he leaves his room. He's now figured out he can climb over the baby gate. Not good for me. After several more escapes & tears as I put him back in bed, I finally realize that just holding him is what he needs. Hold him, rock him, he twirls my hair and falls asleep after a few minutes. Tomorrow I will start calling the case manager & attorney to see what our next path will be.

I guess you feel a lot less love for a child when you have to get up with him 5 times in one night. Z kept breaking down the baby gate and scavenging around the house. Can of carnation instant breakfast was dumped out. Little race cars were out. Even managed to get upstairs into Madeline's makeup. I'm going to blame it on his medicine for sinus & ear infection. Otherwise it made turning him over for 2 night's sleep at Auntie's house okay. KK was excited to go but doesn't understand why Camille & A can't come with her. I tell her that I don't make the decisions that Katie does(our cps case manager). Good to have a scapegoat.

Sent my 12 year old off in a limo for a 13 birthday celebration of 2 close friends. Was she ever excited. She's been friends with these girls since we moved to Texas. We are blessed with Madeline having great friends.

Lucas chipped his tooth at lacrosse practice. I still don't have a real clear picture of what happened & how one's tooth could get chipped while wearing a mouth guard. I guess that's Lucas.

My night of sleep didn't go as planned. Lucas's friend who stayed over got sick so I was up with him for a couple of hours. The curse of no sleep.

Lucas's lacrosse team tied at their game. 3-3. Lucas scored 2 goals. Fun to see the team starting to play together. Interesting to learn a new sport.

Todd had to make a trip to Ft worth so he clears out his car and brings in Z's jacket. Makes me want to see the little guy. Can't stop thinking about both of them. Hope they are having a great weekend. Headed out to dinner. My goal was mo cooking this weekend!

Weekend Prayers

Ok. There's a huge difference between a mini van and a full size van. Madeline calls it the RV and she refused to get out at school until all 8th grade track boys were inside the school. Lucas is trying to figure out how to add another row of seats. I have to admit it's been a bit of a vanity check for me, too. I haven't done any wild backing up jobs either.

Yesterday was 3 dentist appointments. KK got 5 filings & sealants. No cavities for Camille or Lucas. Spent today at play therapy for KK, doctor for Z (ear & sinus infection), & dentist for Mad. Crazy busy running kids in the RV. Even more crazy when you haul 6 kids into the dentist and immediately the waiting room is filled.

I just couldn't bring myself to sit 2 hours at the doctor office. Plus the only times they could get Z in were at times we had appointments already. So we went to the hatched kids pediatrician & I paid for a cash visit. Must say that I felt a lot of gratitude in walking out of there in 30 minutes. Tried to milk a free visit but didn't work.

I don't think there's been a week when someone has not been sick. I think maybe Camille has gone to dance one other week than this. Definitely sick of sick kids. Particularly one 3 year old who is cranky & mean when he doesn't feel good. Luckily I am well acquainted with cranky & mean.

I'm asking that weekend prayers go ahead and begin tonight. Z & KK go to Auntie's house for the whole weekend. The attorney, CASA, & case manager are all suppose to go visit. This will determine to some extent where the 2 kids go next. I'm not asking in which direction to pray. I don't even really know how I feel about it. Sometimes I can get really sad at the thought of missing them or angry because I think they are doing so great here, why move them. This is why I am so thankful for my heavenly Father to whom I know has the answer for these precious children. Please pray for Auntie, her home, her family, and for wisdom from those that will be going to visit them. Once again I find comfort in "let the word of God speak".

My dream of getting a bigger vehicle probably got nipped today. Todd took the van to get detailed since he has to use it for business the next couple of days. He was told it would take a couple of hours for a minivan. Well it took 4 hours for mine. Yep. I live with pigs. And it just so happens that I have a whole litter of them right now. I kind of looked at it like emergency rations. In the house we have to have water & food for an emergency. We could have probably lasted a week with all the rations in the van. Unfortunately, Todd doesn't think as creatively as me.

Took the kids for their visit. Knew they would see grandparents but don't usually hold my breath for mommy. KK immediately starts questioning me repeatedly about who they are seeing and where. She has never done this before. She becomes sassy & naughty. I got our case manager on the phone with speaker phone & asked if they had a time out spot in the cps office. She said they did. She didn't mention the "big time" time out spot or jail that is right across the street. Luckily KK fell asleep. This has definitely been a very rough week for her. Tomorrow she has her dental work. Hope it goes smoothly.

Camille was back to dance today. I think she's missed every class in 2011 because she's been so sick. She was thrilled to be back.

Borrowed the neighbors full size van. It's like driving a bus. Bad thing is that it doesn't even seat any more people than my minivan. There's just lots if dancing room. The last time I rode in a van like that, I was a pampered princess with the back seat all to myself. Stretched out with my book, sugar babies, and no one to bother me. Did I mention that was 30 years ago? Now I'm the driver. And I am a very good one at that.