Good to be Home or Not?

Taos is limited in phone reception and wi-fi. We would drive to a nearby condo and sit in the parking lot to get Todd's email or download a new book for me. The mornings would being at 9 when the slopes open. I know how much Madeline loves to ski if she will willingly get out of bed to be at the base when the lifts open. I love to see Madeline and Lucas bond. They have taken up against Todd and will go off by themselves. Any activity that has them as friends versus foes is an excellent sport. Everyone is enjoying themselves and the weather is warm enough that you can sit outside and watch the activities without having to wear a coat. So, therefore, I don't mind it too much either.
Todd is flipping thru the pictures on my phones and takes a long pause at the picture of Z. I see tiny tears slipping down his face and of course, then I have them too. I text our case manager and she says the kids are doing good. I wonder if she would tell me if they weren't doing so good.
Day 3 of skiing and Camille is ready to hit the slopes with the big kids and Todd. I'm not so sure. I give Todd the warning that nothing better happen to her. I get A to ski school and go back to the cottage. Get a text probably 15 minutes after Todd sent it since there is a delayed response. Camille is hurt, not bad, but she is crying and can I come get her. Good grief, I should have listened to the sinking feeling I had all morning. She is fine. Twisted her leg but after a movie and snacks, she is good to go and wants to go back with them. I veto it for that day.
I pick up A from ski school and she says that she was crying and that they put her in with the babies. It isn't until the next day that a voicemail pops up from the ski school from 24 hours before saying that A is crying and what would I like to be done. I guess I'm thankful I didn't hear the message, as she ended up having a great day and so did I.
We ventured home on Wednesday but only made it Amarillo. After having to stop the car so A could get sick and listening to her cry for a couple of hours, all of our nerves were rather thin. Got a nights sleep then arrived home yesterday. I've been pumping benadryl and advil but think that I'm going to make it. Too much laundry to mention and a huge house to keep up with. I feel like I've stepped back into gluttonyville after being in the little cottage. Too much house with too much stuff. I guess it does give us the advantage of being able to have 6 kids!! It does cause me to pause and wonder why we need all of this room. Definitely something to think about. I still haven't figured out whether or not I'm glad to be home. There are little reminders of KK & Z everywhere I look. The forgotten sock, the doll that was in the dryer. The pink lipgloss on the comforter. The dings on the table where Z stabbed his fork before we figured out he needed plastic silverware. The cardboard box at the foot of the stairs that can be removed. The smell of downy on the clothes will always remind me of Z. I switched from bounce sheets to downy sheets just a couple of weeks before KK & Z came to stay with us. Now the smell reminds me of the sweet boy who loved to cuddle and twirl my hair. Hoping that I can talk to them on the phone this weekend. I want them to know that I loved them. I haven't forgotten them. I still wonder what they must be thinking. Too much to happen in their sweet little lives.