Downward Spiral

I feel like we've begun the downward spiral. Literally and figuratively. A's grandparents/mommy & daddy took their drug test last week so as long as everything comes back negative that should be the final stamp on the card for her to go home. I talked to her mommy on the phone and asked her about the windows they need installed. She doesn't have the money right now to pay for them but will be able to after she pays the utilities. I made a couple of calls and talked to CASA. Our CASA worker, CASA Jill as we call her, was able to get the United Methodist Church on the line and it looks like they have a group of men that can go help. After learning more about installing windows in a mobile home, I'm pretty sure that I could go do it myself. Its hard to understand how things move so slow. Why the windows aren't installed, why is there money for junk food and toys but not for windows. If you think I have a hard time understanding it, you should just get Todd started on the subject.
A has also begun a downward spiral. I hope my mom is not reading this or if anyone reads this and talks to my mom they better not spill the beans.(Gram is coming to town) I knew we had a rough weekend after the visit A had with mommy & daddy on Friday but it got worse today. I think she had at least 9 fits. At least 4 of which she just mumbled, mommy or momma. I know it is heart breaking, but it is much less heartbreaking when your ears are breaking and your patience has been worn very thin. I'm trying to remember the emotional turmoil this child is in but the havoc on my sanity is wearing thin. I'm trying to decide if I just need to change the way I parent her in the last couple of weeks that she is with us. If I just give in to everything and let her do whatever, will the fits be avoided and my sanity restored? I just don't know what to do. It can be the tiniest thing or at least it seems that way to me. She sits down at the table and I say that I haven't got her lunch ready so she can go play while I get it ready. She wants to go in the backyard but I'm not ready & she can't go without an adult. 9 times today. And fits aren't the minute fits. I'm talking at least 5 minutes and that's on the low end. I'm going to bed. I'm going to pray that I will know how to handle this child, to love this child, to have patience restored in me & the family. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil 4:13. Please pray for A. I know she is so ready to go home. I just hope that the image they have created for her is as wonderful as she deserves. I guess I'm not just thinking about a beautiful, pink room. I'm talking about parents who nurture, teach, guide, have healthy eating habits, cleaning habits, and make wise choices. I guess the prayers are the same. We all need to be the best parents we can be.