Stay tuned

Friday was probably the longest day.  It seemed to drag on forever.  N was sensitive and back to old habits.  Its against the rules to run hot wheels on the walls & kitchen table and he resorted back to breaking the rules.  Camille was grumpy.  N was sensitive.  Both handling stress in the only way they know how.  BG was herself.  CPS had called on Thursday and said they were unable to transport kids to their mom's house.  I was happy about that because that made the transfer seem so much more business like than the twice weekly transfers we had been having between mommy & me.  Most of their stuff I'd already sent so there wasn't too much more to bring.  Madeline said her goodbyes then left for Fish Camp for church with Kara and Kristi.  Then the rest of us left to meet mommy at McDonalds.  BG was cranky when we got there and didn't want anyone hugging or kissing on her.  All she wanted to do was go play at her normal play spot, McDonald's.  I told mommy I wanted a picture of the three of them together before I said my goodbyes. I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to hold it together.  I did.  It was a whimpering sort of cry that shook by body with slight tears running down my cheeks.  N looked in a near state of panic.  I didn't expect that.  I kept reassuring him that we loved him and will always love him.  Mommy is ready to be the best mommy for him.  And then they were gone.  I pulled it together and did okay.  We grabbed dinner but I didn't have much of an appetite.  Dropped Lucas off for his overnight at church then my appetite came back enough for Camille & I to grab ice cream sandwiches at Nestle. 
I'm fine.  I think that the emotional buildup over the past few weeks had done me in.  Every time someone asked me what was happening with the kids, I would get teary.  BG did something cute, and I would get teary.  I didn't have any more tears left.  My job was complete.  I loved those precious children for almost a year.  Would I have kept them?  I think so.  Am I hopeful that mommy's is the best place for them?  Definitely. 
I have put away the high chair, picked up Lego's and hot wheels from all sorts of locations, washed sheets and scrubbed hand prints off the craziest locations.  That is why we are able to do foster care.  To know that God called us to care for, protect and love children when they are at their neediest.  To be able to give them back with minimal falling apart.  Could I open my doors today for another child?  You bet, but we are taking our names off the list for a bit and getting back into the groove of school and our family.  Will we do this again? I think that God has great plans for us.  Stay tuned.
Today I survived getting a freshman to high school, 6th grader to middle school, and a 8 year old to 3rd grade.  What a year of changes it is!