Quiet

I think that every second of my day must revolve around this 21 month old girl that stole my heart almost a year ago.  Tonight she is with her mommy and I am so lonely for her.  I don't think its because I'm lonely for her tonight, but I'm lonely for knowing what is ahead and can't imagine what it will be like with BG & N in our lives.  August 24th is the return to mom date.  Until then they have unsupervised visits and a couple of sleepovers at mom's house.  When I asked N about how he felt about it this morning, he said,"maybe happy".  I don't even know how I feel so I'm proud of him for being able to express his cautious happiness.  I'm wondering how they are sleeping in this new apartment, separate rooms, so far away from here.  I turn off the tv and I put the remote up so that BG can't grab it.  I see my bobby pins laying on the table and realize she won't be here in the morning to eat them.  A year is too long.  Too long to become a part of our home, our family, and my heart.  I wish I could know how BG is feeling, maybe happy? 
I buckled my babies into the smokey smelling car and I gave them all kisses.  I know they will have a great sleepover.  They come back to me tomorrow at 6.  I should be enjoying this break.  Its just hard to when I know what is ahead.  No big deal when they are at Hen's house.  She could have them every day and I wouldn't be sad.  I pray for their mommy and hope that she will be the best mommy for them. 
Of course its suppose to be quiet at midnight, but what about during the day.  How sad will the quiet be?  Thank God for his mighty plan.  I know He will protect and care for the littles.