My mind keeps slipping back to the words I heard on the radio, on the night when I drove to Lowe's all by myself, just so I could escape. Had some returns, but its a hour drive there. Lowe's is my favorite store. Listening to "The Message" on sirius and the advice was "let today's test, become tomorrow's testimony". Well, the tests are coming but I haven't reached the testimony part. I usually don't like the word "hate" but if I were to type out "strongly dislike" it would take entirely too much time so just for reference I'm substituting hate for strongly dislike. I hate homeschool. I hate my children and I probably hate my husband too. I hate our ski cabin, I hate the cold. I continue to hate my dog. I hate muddy boots but I'd probably hate fresh snow even worse. I hate our contractor. I hate the plumber. I still hate verizon. I hate the postal service. I hate the 30 minute drive I have to make back and forth to the cabin on a daily basis. Ok, I think that's it. Glad to get that off my chest. Oh, wait, I hate Madeline being gone from us so long, but at least she didn't make my hate list.
Starting with the negative. Homeschool. Books haven't arrived for Camille yet. Partially because our mail that was on hold won't be delivered for 10-15 days. Did they mention that to me the 4 times I called? No. We have also had technology issues. Trying to print papers for Lucas, and his computer doesn't have the printer drive on it, have to stop to do that. Wi-fi doesn't work. have to stop. Can't login to the school. Have to continually watch to make sure that he isn't sneaking minecraft in when I'm not watching. He can't sit in the same room as Camille because she likes to chat and be social. Any sound that comes out of her mouth is like fingers scraping down the chalkboard to Lucas's ears. It doesn't help that we still haven't gotten a routine and probably won't for at least another week. Suppose to move in this weekend. My fingers are crossed!!
Finally cut off my email service from verizon. It took another 45 minutes for them to locate my account to shut it off. On the positive, I've already noticed a big difference in not getting junky emails.
The cabin continues to be a daily problem. Toilet not fitting, trying to track down another one, lights too big, track lighting delayed, contractor getting the flu. We worked until 8:00 last night just cleaning up the work site. I had my sunglasses on top of my head while we were working and when I took them off I couldn't see through them from all the dust. Nasty.
Another positive, Lucas decided to take up skiing. His snowboard instructor says it will be better for him to get a job at the ski school school next year if he can board & ski. I haven't stopped to process what that means for next year.
I took Camille to ski school today just so she would have a fun day. No fun hanging out at the house being yelled at by Lucas, and not having any formal school work to do. Everything I give her to do is stupid. Yep, my bachelors in education and master's degree in elementary administration, have no clout with her. The dust at the cabin is horrible for her to breathe in. One of the charter schools from Taos is at ski school today so she was joining up with one of their classes. So hopefully a great day for her.
Lucas caught the shuttle to the ski valley. He probably has too much freedom there but it's better than having him hang out with me! Of course, he forgot his gloves, so I'm not sure what he will do. Another bad part of not being in the cabin.
Yeah! Just got a call from the ski school and Madeline has an interview on Sunday! So hopeful that she gets a job there. Every time I am there I meet such nice people and know she would benefit from working there as well as they enjoying her!
Ok, so maybe I really don't hate, or even strongly dislike everything. We are off to a somewhat rocky start but I'm optimistic that our test will be our testimony soon enough.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Enthusiasm
Tonight she is so excited about going to snowboarding school tomorrow that she says she can't go to sleep. Ahh, victory. Prayed for her enthusiasm about living here and about leaving friends. She was the only one not excited about coming. Plus, our architect/friend who lives here, has an 8 year old daughter that loves horses and she is coming over tomorrow. Maybe I should put away half of C's my little pony collection, the last trace of our overindulgence of life in the bubble.
No school books yesterday so Lucas learned that you can play Texas Hold Em' and Solitaire without being on the computer. Amazing. C has learned the art of addressing envelopes. Still working on it. Today I was told by our architect that I should have been the project manager for the house. Duh. Maybe the house would have been completed if I'd been in charge!! It is coming along but I'm up there daily, making decisions, redoing some, and just admiring how beautiful it's going to be. Hopefully middle of next week. Hopefully.
Missing Madeline. Even though her 2nd mom is taking super duper good care of her, I'm still wishing she were here. She has applied to work in the cafeteria and at the ski school. I'm thinking ski school would be better. Met 2 sweet young woman that work there, and I know I like the woman in charge. Lucas likes to hang out in the cafeteria. He comes home telling about the guys throwing ice cubes and putting salt in each other's glasses. Hmmm, which would Madeline prefer.
No school books yesterday so Lucas learned that you can play Texas Hold Em' and Solitaire without being on the computer. Amazing. C has learned the art of addressing envelopes. Still working on it. Today I was told by our architect that I should have been the project manager for the house. Duh. Maybe the house would have been completed if I'd been in charge!! It is coming along but I'm up there daily, making decisions, redoing some, and just admiring how beautiful it's going to be. Hopefully middle of next week. Hopefully.
Missing Madeline. Even though her 2nd mom is taking super duper good care of her, I'm still wishing she were here. She has applied to work in the cafeteria and at the ski school. I'm thinking ski school would be better. Met 2 sweet young woman that work there, and I know I like the woman in charge. Lucas likes to hang out in the cafeteria. He comes home telling about the guys throwing ice cubes and putting salt in each other's glasses. Hmmm, which would Madeline prefer.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Crazy
1 pod, 1 5x8 uhaul, and of course, Becky's garage, and we have begun a new adventure. Sold the house, bought another one which will be remodeled in the next months and headed to the mountains. We are temporarily in a rental house while our mountain cabin is finished being updated. Never would have thought that we would have been able to pull this off, and over the past couple of months, wasn't even sure that I wanted it to happen. Now, I'm just ready to have my family all snuggled in our cabin for our new adventure. Stay tuned to see how that works out.
Ever since we began coming to New Mexico, I have felt tugged to reevaluate our lifestyle, our stuff, our priorities. There were times when I would even feel sick to my stomach as we left our 1200 sq foot cabin to return to the 4000 square foot home in "the bubble". Then we would get back in our normal crazy mode and the feelings would slip away, only to return when we went back to the mountains. God has never just whispered things to me. I believe that He speaks in a loud, clear voice about the plan He wants me to take. As we put our home on the market and sold it the first day, I knew we were on the right path. As I cleared out 75% of our belongings and got to hear precious stories of God's children along the way, I knew He was clearly telling me that this is what we are suppose to be doing. The young woman who answered my email on the church website who could use a queen bedframe. On the day she comes to the house, she goes to peek into her dad's truck and I ask what she has inside it. A baby! A baby, I say, get him out. So we get to love on him a bit and find out that they are moving out of her parents' home to an apartment. Does she need a crib? A high chair? Sheets? Baby toys? Yes, I had all of those things from BG and had been praying about what to do with them. God sent me this young woman in need. I am so thankful for all prayers that were answered. The woman that answered my email when I asked if anyone knew of someone in need of a girl's bike. Her brother had just adopted a 12 year old girl. The night that Todd cleared the upstairs attic and there were 3 tubs of girls size 4/5 clothes that I had forgotten about. The next morning an email is sent from Bwood moms about a family taking in a little girl and I can't remember what the need was specifically but I emailed to see if they needed clothes. Yes, and also they could use the furniture I had in the foster care room. So blessed to be able to share and it makes seeing it go away to someone that can really use it, so nice!
While there have been extremely sweet moments along the way, there have also been headaches. The main one being my email. When I woke up in the hotel room on the Monday before Christmas and was unable to get my email, my stomach just sunk. When I shut off our internet/fios, I also lost my email. I have never been reminded of how obnoxious technology is until then. I was very tempted to forget it all but wavered when I knew that technology might be my keyhole to sanity while locked away in the remote mountain community!
As I sit at my computer, I am staring out into the mountains and looking at desert looking plants with no sod in sight! Because we are "only" at an elevation of 7000, we are considering this to be our base camp prep as we acclimate to this before moving to the cabin at 9000 elevation. Yes, I did read Into Thin Air after Madeline's sophomore reading requirement. This may not be Mount Everest, but in my little world, sometimes it feels that way.
We enjoyed Christmas in AR for about a week, the Stanfield family in the rental home in NM for a week, and now 4 of the stanclan remain here while Madeline stays with her Texas family, the Georges, while she finishes up first semester. We will start homeschooling with Texas Tech as soon as our books arrive, but until then the kids are just enjoying an extended break.
My one big sad part about not being in Texas is not being able to do foster care. We are on the inactive list until we move back. We are still very much involved with A's family, almost on a weekly basis. And BG & N are doing great, in addition to their mom, whom we are in contact with almost weekly. I think Todd would be fine with us not fostering anymore since we are so heavily involved with these 2 families, he doesn't know how we can take on any more! I'll just have to show him.
We are already seeing blessings here. As we sat a local restaurant, I noticed a man who directs traffic in the ski valley parking lot and introduced myself. He then proceeded to tell us about his brother who lives on Lake Lewisville, and then asked if any of us played tennis. He has 10 courts in Taos! Needless to say, Lucas jumped at the chance and will be practicing with the high schoolers starting in February.
Camille's skiing got off to a bit of a rough start. She ventured out in new skis and boots with Madeline and did not have a successful run. Madeline said she pizza'ed the whole way. I forced her to take a private lesson. For those that know Camille, she turned on full force, not going to go, not going to like it, I'm a bad mom, etc., the entire way there. And since she would be in the Candor group(for those that have read the Divergent series), she didn't hide her disdain even when we got there. She was peeved that her instructor was named Pablo, and was concerned that he wouldn't even be able to speak English. He did!! They had a great run and she hugged me and thanked me afterward. Lesson learned, always start the year with a lesson to brush off the dust balls on the skis. She has also got the snowboard going and will start a local shredders program, along with Lucas, starting this weekend. Locals, sounds weird.
She is ready to hit the slopes right now! Going to bundle her up and drive her to the mountain. A whole 20 minute ride away. Just think, in a week, she can walk out onto the mountain. Crazy
Ever since we began coming to New Mexico, I have felt tugged to reevaluate our lifestyle, our stuff, our priorities. There were times when I would even feel sick to my stomach as we left our 1200 sq foot cabin to return to the 4000 square foot home in "the bubble". Then we would get back in our normal crazy mode and the feelings would slip away, only to return when we went back to the mountains. God has never just whispered things to me. I believe that He speaks in a loud, clear voice about the plan He wants me to take. As we put our home on the market and sold it the first day, I knew we were on the right path. As I cleared out 75% of our belongings and got to hear precious stories of God's children along the way, I knew He was clearly telling me that this is what we are suppose to be doing. The young woman who answered my email on the church website who could use a queen bedframe. On the day she comes to the house, she goes to peek into her dad's truck and I ask what she has inside it. A baby! A baby, I say, get him out. So we get to love on him a bit and find out that they are moving out of her parents' home to an apartment. Does she need a crib? A high chair? Sheets? Baby toys? Yes, I had all of those things from BG and had been praying about what to do with them. God sent me this young woman in need. I am so thankful for all prayers that were answered. The woman that answered my email when I asked if anyone knew of someone in need of a girl's bike. Her brother had just adopted a 12 year old girl. The night that Todd cleared the upstairs attic and there were 3 tubs of girls size 4/5 clothes that I had forgotten about. The next morning an email is sent from Bwood moms about a family taking in a little girl and I can't remember what the need was specifically but I emailed to see if they needed clothes. Yes, and also they could use the furniture I had in the foster care room. So blessed to be able to share and it makes seeing it go away to someone that can really use it, so nice!
While there have been extremely sweet moments along the way, there have also been headaches. The main one being my email. When I woke up in the hotel room on the Monday before Christmas and was unable to get my email, my stomach just sunk. When I shut off our internet/fios, I also lost my email. I have never been reminded of how obnoxious technology is until then. I was very tempted to forget it all but wavered when I knew that technology might be my keyhole to sanity while locked away in the remote mountain community!
As I sit at my computer, I am staring out into the mountains and looking at desert looking plants with no sod in sight! Because we are "only" at an elevation of 7000, we are considering this to be our base camp prep as we acclimate to this before moving to the cabin at 9000 elevation. Yes, I did read Into Thin Air after Madeline's sophomore reading requirement. This may not be Mount Everest, but in my little world, sometimes it feels that way.
We enjoyed Christmas in AR for about a week, the Stanfield family in the rental home in NM for a week, and now 4 of the stanclan remain here while Madeline stays with her Texas family, the Georges, while she finishes up first semester. We will start homeschooling with Texas Tech as soon as our books arrive, but until then the kids are just enjoying an extended break.
My one big sad part about not being in Texas is not being able to do foster care. We are on the inactive list until we move back. We are still very much involved with A's family, almost on a weekly basis. And BG & N are doing great, in addition to their mom, whom we are in contact with almost weekly. I think Todd would be fine with us not fostering anymore since we are so heavily involved with these 2 families, he doesn't know how we can take on any more! I'll just have to show him.
We are already seeing blessings here. As we sat a local restaurant, I noticed a man who directs traffic in the ski valley parking lot and introduced myself. He then proceeded to tell us about his brother who lives on Lake Lewisville, and then asked if any of us played tennis. He has 10 courts in Taos! Needless to say, Lucas jumped at the chance and will be practicing with the high schoolers starting in February.
Camille's skiing got off to a bit of a rough start. She ventured out in new skis and boots with Madeline and did not have a successful run. Madeline said she pizza'ed the whole way. I forced her to take a private lesson. For those that know Camille, she turned on full force, not going to go, not going to like it, I'm a bad mom, etc., the entire way there. And since she would be in the Candor group(for those that have read the Divergent series), she didn't hide her disdain even when we got there. She was peeved that her instructor was named Pablo, and was concerned that he wouldn't even be able to speak English. He did!! They had a great run and she hugged me and thanked me afterward. Lesson learned, always start the year with a lesson to brush off the dust balls on the skis. She has also got the snowboard going and will start a local shredders program, along with Lucas, starting this weekend. Locals, sounds weird.
She is ready to hit the slopes right now! Going to bundle her up and drive her to the mountain. A whole 20 minute ride away. Just think, in a week, she can walk out onto the mountain. Crazy
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas!
It's December. Twelve days until Christmas. Our home is decorated, minus a Christmas tree, our cards are in the mail, and a few gifts have been bought. Mason is still living with us. It's a long, complicated, true to foster care story, but things happen and he will be with us until at least February. He continues to be a blessing in our home as he is such a happy, kind child. He struggles in school and I try to help him. I am reminded of why I emphasized gifted education versus special education during college. Special education is a challenge. I have no doubt that he is in our home for a purpose and I am an education champion. Hoping to get him on a much better road for success than he has ever been. He gets along great with all the kids. He & Lucas play legos, bionicles, and all of Lucas's favorites. He plays with Camille and does whatever she wants. Wise boy.
We still grieve for BG & N, when we pull their stockings from our storage box, or when I am shopping I could find at least a million things for a 2 year old girl. We have very minimal contact with them. I'm still hopeful that that will change. As far as I know, they are doing good. Our house is still so quiet and not a day goes by when someone isn't sharing a BG story. I am thankful for the year we had with them. They touched and changed our lives forever.
We are spending Christmas a little different this year with just our family heading for a ski trip. Thankfully, the grandparents haven't written us off their lists. I'm looking forward to a quiet Christmas, void of basketball, dance, piano, concerts, school, homework, and the millions of car trips I make a day. We will get a "real" Christmas tree and decorate it the old fashion way. A Christmas of new memories.
Now back to my lists and then on to Camille's classroom where I get to help make gingerbread houses. We are so fortunate. Merry Christmas!
It's December. Twelve days until Christmas. Our home is decorated, minus a Christmas tree, our cards are in the mail, and a few gifts have been bought. Mason is still living with us. It's a long, complicated, true to foster care story, but things happen and he will be with us until at least February. He continues to be a blessing in our home as he is such a happy, kind child. He struggles in school and I try to help him. I am reminded of why I emphasized gifted education versus special education during college. Special education is a challenge. I have no doubt that he is in our home for a purpose and I am an education champion. Hoping to get him on a much better road for success than he has ever been. He gets along great with all the kids. He & Lucas play legos, bionicles, and all of Lucas's favorites. He plays with Camille and does whatever she wants. Wise boy.
We still grieve for BG & N, when we pull their stockings from our storage box, or when I am shopping I could find at least a million things for a 2 year old girl. We have very minimal contact with them. I'm still hopeful that that will change. As far as I know, they are doing good. Our house is still so quiet and not a day goes by when someone isn't sharing a BG story. I am thankful for the year we had with them. They touched and changed our lives forever.
We are spending Christmas a little different this year with just our family heading for a ski trip. Thankfully, the grandparents haven't written us off their lists. I'm looking forward to a quiet Christmas, void of basketball, dance, piano, concerts, school, homework, and the millions of car trips I make a day. We will get a "real" Christmas tree and decorate it the old fashion way. A Christmas of new memories.
Now back to my lists and then on to Camille's classroom where I get to help make gingerbread houses. We are so fortunate. Merry Christmas!
Thursday, November 15, 2012
God protects his heart
When I feel anger or resentment stirring in me, I remember how God has protected this sweet boy's heart. When I hear about no food in the fridge because he said they are broke, or how there were no lights in his house. What about when Camille, he & I are in the kitchen and we hear a noise upstairs. I'm saying that it is a picture that has fallen from the wall. He says that it is a big rat whose tail has hit the wall. I say that we do not have rats in Nina's house. He continues to argue with me that is what the sound was. Camille goes upstairs to inform that the pencil box fell from the shelf. I can't imagine the world that he has come from. He is so good. So eager to please. So eager for love. So excited when Buddy comes into the room. Follows Camille & takes her orders for the most part. Easily falls into the routine of our clean, safe home. What a blessing. He eats like a professional football player. Has the table manners of a zoo animal. Other manners are oh so good. Learning to shower, pick up his room, make his bed, but most of all would prefer to bounce the basketball or jump in the pool. He blends in and adds such joy. We are so blessed by his presence in our home. His perspective from being older than any foster child we have had in our home, adds to the heartbreak. The meager possessions he got from his mommy break my heart all over again. Clothes that are sizes too small, torn or tattered. It makes me want to open our doors to so many more. This is our home and I wish we could do much more.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
On the Eve of Halloween
The call came at 9 at night, and so it is that at midnight on Halloween Eve with a full moon shining, M came to join us. The call came and described how they needed a place for a 7 year old boy to stay until the home where his 13 year old sister was going had an opening for him to stay there, too. Heartbreaking to think of them being separated but we were already stretching our rules with a 7 year old boy, turning 8 very soon, since we state we want kids younger than Camille. Since I knew it was for a short time, how short I do not know, I knew it would be fine. It was an emotional start for me with processing how I couldn't just say, let them both stay. Imagine, looking into the eyes of a 13 year old girl and telling her how you will keep her brother safe until he can come be with her. It challenged my beliefs but when all was said and done I knew we had made the right decision. The family they will be going to is looking to adopt a sibling group. It is unfortunate that M couldn't go there from the get go, but it is fortunate for this time we are having to love on him. He is good and kind. Funny and athletic. School will be a struggle but he can't wait to go. He is mannerly and corrected Camille a few times yesterday. We went shopping and got some clothes and the scary mask he needed to complete his grim reaper costume. He is adjusting so well and fits in fine. Big kids haven't had much time with him since we have been busy with Halloween festivities. His favorite thing to do is bounce the basketball. Every time Todd walks into the house, he encourages him to keep counting and see how many time he can dribble the ball. Then Todd leaves the house and I get the pleasure of listening to the ball bounce. M says that he is bored. I say that he needs to be in school. He agrees. Hopefully all the paperwork will be squared away and he can start on Monday.
It has been a unique situation to have an older child in the home. He has been awestruck as he looked around the house and amazed at the amount of food in our refrigerator. He told me that he didn't have milk in his because they are broke. We are humbled by his response and reminded of how much we have to be grateful for and so fortunate to share it with him. Welcome to the stan clan M!!
It has been a unique situation to have an older child in the home. He has been awestruck as he looked around the house and amazed at the amount of food in our refrigerator. He told me that he didn't have milk in his because they are broke. We are humbled by his response and reminded of how much we have to be grateful for and so fortunate to share it with him. Welcome to the stan clan M!!
Friday, October 19, 2012
Hello
Even now, when I walk into their room, I get an incredible feeling of loneliness and sadness. I guess it can be almost be like death. My babies are gone. This is the reason why most people can't do foster care. Can't get past the incredible loneliness that dwells deep in your heart. It's been somewhat of a rough 7 weeks. The communication between BG & N's mom with me, hasn't been exactly like I thought it would be. Another testament to the unknowns of foster care and the emotional roller coaster that it is. I have gotten more projects completed in the house than imagined. Todd & I got to go to NYC. And now I am home and the quietness is too much. I'm feeling like a slug. I need more. We had our family meeting on Monday to decide if we were ready as a family to go back on the foster care list. Camille was the driving force behind it. She is begging for some more children. Everyone gave a thumbs up and Buddy gave a thumbs in the middle. He'll go with the flow. I think his is a combination of enjoying the quiet calmness around our house, but also I think he believes that no other children will capture our hearts like BG & N. He may be right about the heart capturing. I'm sure he's right about the quiet, too. But, I can only handle so much quiet. An hour after we had our vote, I received a text pic & message of Baby(our newborn we had for a month). He had just had his 18 month doctor's visit and is doing perfectly. I have never prayed over a child with the intensity that I prayed for him. I am thankful for God in sending me the reassurance that this is what He has called us to do. It is no coincidence of the timing of the picture. Now, we wait for our call. Our call about new foster kid or kids, that is. We've already answered the call from God to foster. "Hello, we are ready."
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