The best in us

Sometimes I think that I'm too old to foster a newborn, especially getting up 3 times in one night. But then I think back & try & remember what it was like having the hatched kids as newborns & I know I was equally tired. I didn't take a nap today and yet I still got some cleaning done and flowers planted. It's the little milestones that count. I do know that I am a heck of a lot wiser at age 40. And having the big kids around makes a huge difference.

Fostering again reminds me of all the positive attributes of everyone in the house at least as we wrap up week one with the baby. Todd drove him to the supervised visit today. After describing the place he went I was told I shouldn't go there by myself. I do have to go on Monday for a family intervention conference. The biological parents, adoptive parents to be, and myself will all meet with a cps person to create a plan for the baby. I was told it could take 3 hours. I am already thinking, give me a break, this should be so cut & dried. We'll see. I am sure I will need to remind myself of last Sunday's sermon when Romans 5 reminds us that Jesus died on the cross for sinners. Very hard to find anything positive for me to think about birth mom. I was reminded today that Gracie's birthday is coming up. She'll be three years old. Can't believe that it was so long ago that I got to be the witness for her adoption. I was in awe of the young mother who had the foresight to know she couldn't give her baby girl the life she deserved. Gracie is blessed with an awesome mom & dad.

Adoptive mom to be & her mom came to the house to see the baby today. I love witnessing the love for the sweet baby. He is already changing as he gets stronger, has better neck control & eats more. When he is wrapped all in his blankets, Madeline calls him a pig in a blanket.

Okay, little J. He is amazing. God is so good. The transition he has made into our family is seamless. Today our dentist had us stop by. She was deeply touched by J when we were there in Wednesday. She had at least 8 outfits(mix of old & new), 2 sackfuls of new toys, and some new spiderman tennis shoes. Christmas in April. Now J has at least double the clothes that Lucas has. Not only to I love to see how fostering affects my family, I love seeing the ripple affect. What a blessing this is.

Precious Boys

Ok, back to the computer so I can type about a hundred times faster. Trying to keep up with the thoughts racing through my head. What is it about foster kids that they can sleep in a strange bed, strange house, and go to sleep with no problems? I know there are a million reasons, mainly because they probably haven't had a stable bed of their own or perhaps because their little bodies are so weary and tired. Need to back up a little and describe how J came to the house. I carried in his just turned 3 year old body from the case manager's car. Spread the blanket on the sofa and laid him down. He didn't make a peep. CPS case manager, and CK representative, and I sit down and go through the paperwork. CPS asks if she needs to explain each page. I say no. We are finished in about half the time it has taken before. Love fast processes. When we are finished she asks how long I have been doing this. When I say since November I think she is slightly shocked and probably felt like she should have read the papers to me. It is always at this point that I feel the need to tell that I can read and write. I have a master's degree. Even though my mom red marked almost every paper I wrote for that master's degree, I still have it. As cps is leaving I suggest that she wake J up and say goodbye so that he won't be so confused when he wakes up. She gently tries to rouse him but no can do. She leaves. I make one of the kids sit on the sofa by him for the next hour so that he has a friendly face to wake up to. I tell Madeline that anyone that wakes up next to Princess Madeline will surely be happy. I'm sure she loves this since in a middle school class where she had to write what occupation she wants to have, Princess was on the list. Too much William and Kate on her mind.
The doorbell rings and in comes the baby's family to be. As we are all greeting, making a fuss over the baby, J still sleeps. There are 5 of us sitting on the sofa when he wakes up. He has the deer in the headlights look before the crocodile tears start rolling. I quickly snatch him onto my lap tell him I'm Nina, and that I am so glad he is here. I hold him for another 10 minutes. All adults in the room are brought into the tears. It takes awhile, and Camille is confused at first that he might not be able to talk, but before long he is laughing and talking. Wow, probably an hour adjustment and he is Mr. Charming. Falls to sleep and sleeps for 12 hours. It is such a blessing to have Todd work from the house as J could keep sleeping while I ran the kids to school. Camille is in her element again as she reads and plays with him. Todd has switched to calling the baby, Madeline's baby as holding him is the first and last things of the day for him. When I comment that she doesn't change diapers nor get up at night, she says that's why she has a maid. There you have it, my life as a maid.
The first nightime feeding is still all snuggly and good but the 2nd one has become a little more difficult. I feed him then lay him back down, thinking he can go a little longer without a diaper change. He squeaks some more, so I get back up to change him. I lay back down. Now that his diaper is changed, he is hungry again. I get back up and feed him some more. Still all is good, and I am so blessed by his sweet presence.
Today was like starting over with a new little family as I had a baby and a 3 year old in the house. J sleeps till 9, eats 2 eggs and a plate full of fruit. An hour later he is asking for pasta. He is charming, entertains himself, but is definitely a boy. The fisher price doll house has become a fort and the people are flying off it. He found some of the little bear math manipulatives and is carrying them around calling them gummie bears. Adorable. Lays down for a nap and doesn't make a peep. I get the baby to sleep for his nap. Yes, my much needed naptime for me, too. The doorbell rings and the phone rings 3 times. Guess naps are overrated.
I am sitting at the dinner table with 4 boys. Madeline is babysitting and Camille is in trouble. I am so happy to share our table. Lucas & Todd begin their pushing each other around. I watch to see how J will handle it. He is really watching. I wonder if he is scared. My question is answered when he takes his plate to the sink and gives Lucas an elbow when he passes him by. I'm no longer worried. He can hold his own here. Such a precious boy.

A full house

I keep thinking that I will back up and try to capture some of the remarkable things that have been going on but when new stuff happens each day I guess I'm a little overwhelmed.

Lucas had his field trip today and I have been planning on going for a long time. I knew I could always take foster kids to drop in childcare. I just didn't realize I would have a 2 week old. So, Becky and Helen split shifts and came over for baby holding. Todd got to keep working & all was good.

Field trip was to the movies so that's my kind of field trip. Drove myself there so no bus ride. Popcorn, movie, and food court. 4 cutie boys in my group. Got a voicemail from CK(covenant kids) towards the end of the movie. Figured I should go listen to it since it might be about the baby. It wasn't. It was about 3 year old needing placement today. About then I got s text from Todd who also got the call. Can't believe he forwarded it. Of course the number he sent was a digit off. Needless to say, I have a weakness for 3 year old so tonight J is tucked into bed in our foster care room. A 3 year old boy who has a contagious laugh. Camille read to him, brushed his teeth, Lucas played legos, and madeline chased him around the block. He came with no clothing. Super Lesley came to the rescue again. Thank goodness she has a houseful of boys.

In the midst of this, I guess I will back up to yesterday. I finally got the adoptive parents phone number. She was so relieved to hear from me, she hadn't expected the call at all. Found out that the baby has 3 biological brothers! I know. I could go into a whole soap box lecture about this topic. Most importantly as I'm cussing a woman who is almost as old as me & making these decisions, I'm then hearing joyful sounds coming from the adoptive parent home. I don't know their story. I can only assume they couldn't have kids and thru this woman they now have a houseful of boys. Hard to understand. I guess that foster care.

Did I mention that I invited them over for dinner tonight? And yes they did come but they came earlier and I didn't have to cook. They were so delighted to meet their baby. They didn't find out about him until after he was born. They knew of the possibility but he was born 5 weeks early. They have 1 more class, and their nome study then will get to have him. I am so thankful for the time we are getting to spend with him!

Once again a full house. I love it.

Yes, we are in love

He is such a blessing. I can't describe what it is like to have a sweet baby dropped off on your porch. Yes, I am getting up with him 2 times in the middle of the night. But I am savoring every minute. I feed him his bottle, change his diaper, and then just sit there, listening to his tiny heart beat and his breath whisking against me. When Camille was a baby I think I was too tired to sit and enjoy the moment. I think that nightime insomnia is definitely an advantage. He lacks for no attention. You should have seen Camille & Madeline rushing to complete Saturday chores because the first one done got to hold him first. We have developed a rotation on Saturday as the 3 girls take turns while the boys are a watching a baseball game. He cries when he is hungry or if he has a dirty diaper. He doesn't have very long awake times. He is absolutely breathtaking. Yes, we are in love.

The Call

The call came Friday around 11. Almost 48 hours after we were on the list. I had just pulled into the parking lot of Old Navy. This was after leaving Ann Taylor loft where I had finally spent my gift card that I received back in December. Thanks, Sandy! Covenant Kids says they have a 2 week old baby boy who is in need of placement while his adoptive parents get their license current. He has a brother who is 2 that is already living with this family. What? A baby? We're not suppose to get a baby. We're suppose to be 1-5 years old. She looks at her paperwork and it says 0-5. Oh,my. Wow. I ask if I have time to call Todd. Yes. Can't even imagine a 2 week old baby, but then I'm thinking what a great chance to cuddle a baby and for a predetermined link of time. I think she did mention 2 weeks and we all know how the last 2 weeks worked out. 2 months. But this is different since I'm sure the adoptive family will be motivated to get their paperwork done quickly. I call Todd, explain the situation and ask him if he's in or out. I have to repeat the question again but he says,"I'm not going to move out." Perfect. Just the positive YES that I needed to hear. I then try to call back and give her the news that we will. I don't have her extension number nor her last name. Its dial by directory last name. Hate those stupid automated systems. Rack my brain with 2 other people I know in that office. Neither answer their phones. Call and text my case manager but she's in a doctor visit. Finally call the other CK office and pick a random number. Yes, I get a live voice who gives me the correct number. I swear this must have taken an hour, well, at least 10 minutes. Of course, she doesn't answer so I leave a message. Then I'm still nervous so I call back 2 more times. Finally I get her. YES! Ok, she'll call me when she has a specific time. And that's it. We're getting a baby.
I guess I'll refer to him as Baby since that's what I seem to call him. His bio mom filled out the birth certificate but I'm not sure what adoptive parents will eventually do. So,its Baby. He's suppose to do the car seat test, sitting upright for 1 1/2 hours. He was born at 35 weeks at 6lbs 9oz. Doesn't sound like a premie to me. They are suppose to arrive at 2:30 so I decide to get kids early from school since I usually get them at 2:50. Not quite that simple since I'm getting 2 other kids that day, so I have to arrange to have them leave early,too. I should know better, it wasn't until 5 that he got here.
I had 2 hours of getting to visit with the person from Covenant Kids whose job is to find and call families for placement that go do the paperwork for the initial placement. She has been to the house before! It is very interesting to hear some of her stories. She also gets to witness my lovely children as Lucas chases after Camille, reaches her, and grabs a handful of her hair. Love it when the kids choose to act their most absolute worse when we have someone associated with foster care at our house. Get Lucas up to his room, and no, I don't pull him by his hair to do it. Probably would have if I didn't have the witness :).
Its hard to put into words the emotion of having a 2 week old, blond, blue eyed, pink baby deposited on your door step. Unbelievable. What a blessing. Even Todd comments about what a beautiful baby he is. And oh my, is 7lbs 3 oz tiny. I have totally forgotten what it feels like to hold such a tiny baby. Never had one quite this tiny, Camille was 7lbs 11 oz, and the big kids were both 8lbs 4oz.
He arrives with a diaper on, a white tshirt, 3 pacifiers, 8 bottles, 2 sample size wipes, sample size pack of diapers, 2 booger sucker things, and 2 sample baby washes. That is it. And I have zero baby things in my house. Got rid of all of it. As I walk to get Camille from school my neighbor was doing yard work. They have 3 little ones and so I asked if he had any baby things still. Needless to say, God is already gracing the path for our baby adventure. When I walked back by the packnplay with bassinet insert that looks almost new is waiting for us. It had been in the garage waiting to be donated. Now we are ready because at least he will have a place to sleep.
Put out an email to my neighborhood moms, Caprice & Lesley and before the evening is over we are equipped. Before Saturday is over I put out an email telling the neighborhood moms thanks for their generosity. We have so much stuff for him. I could have had 6 packnplays, all from an email and a telephone call. I get teary when Helen & Alexis bring by new clothes and diapers. I am overwhelmed by the support for this baby. I am also saddened at how easy it is for us to get everything we possibly could need for this baby plus more and how difficult it is for so many young women to support their babies. I am grateful for the many blessings we have and for the chance we are going to have to share them.

Back on the List

The goal was to go back on the list after Easter. I had completed as much organization around the house & in our life that I could. We got to travel to Arkansas and spend a rainy weekend with the family. I still wasn't feeling 100% on Monday. I had a scan of my sinuses the Thursday before Easter and am now I'm taking 21 days of high powered antibiotics. By Wednesday I was at least where I wasn't have to go to bed at 9 every night. I still can't hear 100% clearly out of my left ear, but that's not always a bad thing. On Wednesday, both of my daily devotionals were about doing God's will. Ok, God, I hear you. I texted our case manager and said put us on the list again. Ages 1-5, 1 or 2 kids(not 3), and basic needs. Done. Then the waiting began. Every time the phone rang I would be a little jumpy. A kind of nervous but excited feeling wondering what God has in store for us. It felt good to be back on the list

Hope I don't get struck by lightning

I feel like I might get struck by lightning. Our agency called today to see if we would take in two children. She said that her supervisor knew that we were off the call list on respite but he wanted her to try us anyway. I had to say no. I have the rest of this week and next jammed with activities to get the house and yard in shape. I have 1 music program, 2 lacrosse games, 1 singing competition(not for myself) and 2 field trips. I feel guilty for saying no. I also know that as I told our case manager, I will be a better wife, mommy, and foster mommy by using the time to get all the things on my list complete. It doesn't help that I am on day 2 of 5 days of steroids to try and get rid of the never ending sinus infection. Did I mention that i couldn't fall asleep at all last night! Not exactly the best time to welcome 2 new kiddos into our home. Now I have the advantage of knowing how demanding initial placements are with getting school set up, doctor appointment, dentist, paperwork etc.. Still, with knowing all that I still get a sense of guilt for not saying yes. I wish they wouldn't have called me. I guess I should screen my calls better!

It's been a good week of getting caught up on things around the house, lunch with friends, shopping with Shelley, and getting to use my balloon animal making skills to help decorate for the school book fair. It's like getting back to my basics. I am enjoying it but it feels more like vacation than the purpose I want to use my life for. I am confident in God's plan to use the blessings of my family to continue with foster care. That doesn't mean I'm not scared of what's ahead, of what to expect from the next foster kids. The thing I am reassured of is that we are on the correct path.