I feel like I might get struck by lightning. Our agency called today to see if we would take in two children. She said that her supervisor knew that we were off the call list on respite but he wanted her to try us anyway. I had to say no. I have the rest of this week and next jammed with activities to get the house and yard in shape. I have 1 music program, 2 lacrosse games, 1 singing competition(not for myself) and 2 field trips. I feel guilty for saying no. I also know that as I told our case manager, I will be a better wife, mommy, and foster mommy by using the time to get all the things on my list complete. It doesn't help that I am on day 2 of 5 days of steroids to try and get rid of the never ending sinus infection. Did I mention that i couldn't fall asleep at all last night! Not exactly the best time to welcome 2 new kiddos into our home. Now I have the advantage of knowing how demanding initial placements are with getting school set up, doctor appointment, dentist, paperwork etc.. Still, with knowing all that I still get a sense of guilt for not saying yes. I wish they wouldn't have called me. I guess I should screen my calls better!
It's been a good week of getting caught up on things around the house, lunch with friends, shopping with Shelley, and getting to use my balloon animal making skills to help decorate for the school book fair. It's like getting back to my basics. I am enjoying it but it feels more like vacation than the purpose I want to use my life for. I am confident in God's plan to use the blessings of my family to continue with foster care. That doesn't mean I'm not scared of what's ahead, of what to expect from the next foster kids. The thing I am reassured of is that we are on the correct path.
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