The Transition

I realize once again that the world of foster care can certainly be compared to a roller coaster ride. Waiting to hear what is going to happen to KK & Z and the more I wait the more I think that the home study for the relative isn't going to allow them to go there. I sometimes think this is good because I'd love to keep them, other times when chaos reigns, I think I could use a break. I wonder what is best for the kids and selfishly think they are adjusting really fantastically here and could continue doing so. My faith is such that I know all these thoughts are for naught as God has a greater plan for all of it. Its just remembering to place it all in His hands that I need to continue to do. Got a call from case manger saying the kids would be moved on Saturday or Sunday, just waiting for supervisors signature. I mentally start washing their sweet clothes, worrying about what KK will do on Monday since she won't have a classroom for a Valentine's party yet. I did call to see if the home study was really good. Later got another call that says they are going to try transitioning the kids into the relatives home. They are suppose to go there for the weekend and come home to me on Sunday night. I think, whoa, this is not what I had planned. I didn't get a divorce and now have to share time with someone, especially a stranger. Not exactly the rationale thought-processing that I should be having, but also not what I thought would happen. So, my mind switches gears and I being thinking of sharing them. I am scared for them. I can't imagine being tucked into a different bed on Saturday night. I will miss his sweet arms reaching for me and of KK saying "love ya, Nina." I just pray that God lifts them up and continues to watch over them as they struggle down life's road. I pray for the family they are going to live with as they have 4 older children. I smile as I think of what kind of crazy person would have 6 kids. I pray that their struggles end soon and that they find steady love in a home that will be there for them always. A forever home.

Fight Club

Today should probably be called fight club. Lets see who can be mean, who can cry, and who is still standing at the end of the day. I have no doubt that I can be the toughest so I'm not putting myself in the rink. Other than that I think maybe Camille or Madeline. We are tired of snow days or ice days or quality time at home. Monday was great. I took Z to drop in daycare and he was the happiest little boy ever. I guess I never realized the beauty of day care. He ran in and never looked back to say bye. He has been so mad that he couldn't go to school so finally I figured I could take him there. Everyone was at school! I took a time out on the sofa with hot cocoa & Rachel Ray. Got some laundry going then the call from Bridlewood that Lucas's ear was bothering him. Short lived peace. Never dull around here. We just need a constant stream of antibiotics going.
Picked Z up from daycare around 12:30 and he sang and kicked his feet all the way home, then willingly lay down for a nap. This is exactly why I don't like a snow day. Today was suppose to be "everyone at school". So much for great plans.
Went to supervised visits yesterday. I'd asked if the cousin that Z & KK are suppose to go live with could come to the visit. She was there. KK recognized her & snuggled up to her to view her pics on her phone. Z had nothing to do with her. I still haven't heard if they will be going to live with her or not. Still waiting for the home study results. During dinner KK asks if Auntie is the one she is going to live with. I said that Auntie wants KK to get to live with her. I told KK that I love having her live with me but that Auntie is family. Words of wisdom passed over the table as we eat our chicken chili. And that was all that was said. The door is opened and we'll give more information as it comes. I can't tell her that she will be going there since I'm not certain. I'm learning that nothing is certain in the world of foster care. Well, maybe one thing, we do love the kids. I sometimes think I should just say, "WAIT A MINUTE! These kids are adjusted and doing so well here, we'll just keep them. KK is planning playdates with classmates, Z loves his new daycare spot."
Got a chance to talk with A's mommy & daddy for some length yesterday. Breaks my heart to hear how Z's mommy was his everything then all of a sudden just dumps him. Now I feel like I will be another mommy who just dumps him. A's mommy said they are close to having all the things done to their house, just putting new windows in. She told me of how they are attending a new church and at a gathering the preacher's wife said that someone in the congregation had a room at their house that was chaos and that the chaos represented what was going on in their life. A's mommy raised her hand and said that it was her. The church has now taken action in helping them get rid of the chaos in their home. God is at work in all places. I know that he will show us what is best for all these kids.

Pray for wisdom

Sitting around the dinner table with the little kids. Mad is babysitting & Lucas found an invite to a more manly place to watch the superbowl than our house. Camille announces that I'm the best mom ever. I think, well, at least for this table there isn't much competition. Imagine the mommy & the grandma both messing up. Can't imagine why Camille says I'm the best mommy. I spanked her in front of the other kids & put her in time out. Had to make a point about how awful her behavior is. It came in handy later when Z was being naughty. I asked if he needed a spanking like Camille. He straightened right up. Ok, so maybe not the best parenting method but after a really long week, we are lucky to have survived.

A new week will begin & Z & KK are suppose to leave. Now I'm struggling with what to say to a 5 year old & how to explain how A is staying & she & Z are leaving. Somehow I doubt what I say makes too much difference. The hurt is really going to hurt. I'm praying that the new family that she is related to will love her the way I do. I'm hoping to go with then to help with the transition. Please pray for wisdom in what to say as I send these children on to their next home.

Just witnessed a break out dance session. Little kids watching a movie & a good song comes on. All 4 are off the sofa & shaking their booties. It's moments like this when I will miss my preschool gang.

We are doing ok

9:00 & all are in bed. Watching some HGtv when Lucas comes down, fetches me a lil brownie & then brings me water without asking. Notice it was a little brownie, just the cute mini one from Target. Where did this kid come from? Ventured out with my 6 pack today for new books at B&N & then ice cream. Ok, maybe Texas isn't so bad if a weeks worth of bad weather can melt in a day. Hopefully no more to come. Everyone getting tired of our quality family time. I'm tired too. Sometimes when I feel tired I tell myself I'll be minus 2 kids soon. Most of the time that thought then makes me sad. Another day with no fits from A. I am so proud of her. Everyone excited that tomorrow is church. They love going. Not sure why I don't take them to more than one service, just kidding.

I listen to A giving KK grammar lessons these days. Overheard her correcting the word ain't. She has learned so much while being here, not all positive lessons but for the most part to her benefit. Haven't thought much about when she will leave. One day at a time. Looking forward to church tomorrow, too.

Who says I can't do the single mom with 6 kids? Ok maybe for a long weekend I can. We are rolling right along. No fits for A in 2 days! I only had to change 1 wet nights sheets. I shirt ended up having chocolate on it and well, the other, I won't mention. Stepped in dog pee in the pantry. She won't go outside. Texas dog hates this darn cold. Only kid I would trade in would be Madeline who texts me at 1:30am cause she & her sleepover pals r too scared to walk to the pottie. I hate that darn phone of hers. What happened to the rule of turning it in every night? Sleepovers. I hate them.

Camille & Z continue their love/hate relationship. I think he only bit her once today. She was the one he insisted help him get his jammies on. But then came his fav activity of streaking thru the house to have all 3 little girls scream as he goes by. Lucas quickly escorts him to his room & tries to explain the point of modesty.

I did give in and let all play in the snow this afternoon. Grossed me out to see the lil ones eating it. Not much luck in stopping it. Got worse when Z took off his boots & was walking in snow with socks on. Made him go in but he managed to pick up lil snowballs on his socks on the way in. A very tasty treat to pick the snowballs off the socks to eat.

As Lucas is going to bed he asks me what time I want to wake up. I figure he must be wanting to set the alarm. I say 7:30. He says that 7:45 will be better & that he'll keep Camille quiet until then. And yes, this is his 4th day as MVP of the house. Such a sweet & considerate boy. No wonder I'm enjoying Z so much with the sweet reminders of Lucas.

Fallen in love

2 weeks & I'm sunk. I've fallen in love with a 3 year old. The crazy thing is that he is a biting, spiting, scream at me kind of kid. The not so crazy is the way he snuggles up in my lap and calls me his Nina. Fixing lunch & he has the vacuum cleaner out, plugged in, & attempting to use, all in a few minutes time. He's in my bathroom & Todd is getting ready. He has Todd's toothbrush in hand & I grab it & throw it away. Turning my back so I face the trash can, he grabs Todd's chapstick. Todd asks if he comes in here often. I can't help but giggle.

And how does one fall in love in 2 weeks time? I guess my MVP of the week is the reason. Lucas has been extraordinary. He has been patient, kind, and ever so helpful with the lil kids. He has absolutely saved the day several times. He even made homemade choc chip cookies all by himself today. See, he turned out so good. Who would have thought that the biting, spiting, 3 year old boy would have turned out so fabulous. Actually I knew it all along but boy have we had some rough roads. Melanie, I wish you were here to see the newest Curious George in the house. Talked to case manager & Z & KK will probably go to their family member's home at the beginning of next week. I get teary just thinking about it. I am going to have to really concentrate to turn this worry over to God. God is so good.

I know that rest & normalcy have finally been restored in our house. I am all caught up on the Young & the Restless.

A Roller Coaster of a Ride

My kitchen table is a fort, or maybe a ship, board games are scattered in the family room, Carrie Underwood is blaring, piano is banging, Madeline is mad cause she has to do filing, washing machine is running with another night's wet sheets, and yet all is good. We are doing relatively good. Its another snow day. Crazy, Texas isn't suppose to have snow days. I guess technically it should be an ice day. Began 2 nights ago. I still remember it since the dog whined for 2 hours in the middle of the night. She hates storms. Can't turn her loose or she jumps from one bed to another and before I would know it, she would have everyone awake. Besides, a night's sleep without interruptions is probably overrated.
We are getting into a routine. Z's crying has slowed to a minimum. We are all falling hard for him. Even Todd. The resemblance to Lucas is so strong. I find myself getting teary as I stand over his little sleeping body at night. Or smelling his freshly washed jammies as I am folding him. 2 weeks is 3 days away but no word on when the kids will leave. Its so different from A. I know where she will be going when she leaves. I truly believe that its the place she needs to be. She struggles in my house now. As Gram put it, she went from being an only child to being the baby at our house, and now is in the midst of hordes(the unruly hordes). She has hardly any coping skills for dealing with everything. Z and KK are getting placed in yet another home. Its suppose to be where they can stay. I pray this is the best solution for them. In the mean time we all get more comfortable and instead of tears from it all being too much to handle, my tears are now for love for Z and KK. What a roller coaster of a ride we are on.