I love them

Well, the crazy and the gullible got worse as we moved into Monday. As I have stated before I am not a crier. Don't cry at movies, don't usually cry when someone else is, just don't. Well, I had 2 crying times on Monday. We went from controlled chaos & fun on Saturday to losing control on Sunday and to all out havoc on Monday, all because of little 3 year old Z. The little guy probably cried about 70% of the day. I called the doc's office to get him in and they said it would be Wednesday before they could get him in. I hate poor people insurance. Didn't know why he was crying, because of life's circumstances or was he sick or what. His nose is running, he came with a nebulizer that had never been used. This sweet little boy's world had been turned upside down and I was at such a loss as to how to help. He is somewhat hard to understand speech wise, too. I felt like he would be trying to tell me something and I didn't get it. How frustrating for him & for me. It was a very, very long day. The kids were all tense. I was tired. Did I mention getting up with him 5 times Sunday night? No one in town takes the medicare or medicaid or Star Health, can't keep them all straight. The next nearest doc would be in Denton or Irving. Ridiculous. Broke down and took him to the er. They said thats what they are there for. Good thing is that no one in Bubble land must use the er because we walked right in. An x-ray, lots of stickers, popsicles, and rubber duckies for all 3 kids and we were out of there in 45 minutes. Super service. He has 2 prescriptions and directions to go to the doc on Wednesday. I am somewhat relieved because now maybe he can get better and not cry.
Escape for the evening to go to dinner with my bunco babes. An extra treat for me and a huge sacrifice for Todd. Kids are all asleep when i get home. I am hopeful for a new day. This one was very long and very draining. I am questioning my sanity and my decision to add 2 more to our family.
Tuesday morning brings a huge surprise. At 7, Todd says he is going to the airport. Oh great, he's running away. Nope, my mom has flown in. Todd sent her a SOS email on Monday night and she flies out the next morning at 4 a.m. Now there is definitely hope that we can make it.
KK starts school, only to find out that the teacher I wanted her might have jury duty and is not there that week. That's ok, since she has already meet 2 kids in her class over the weekend.
Tuesday is always a long day because of supervised visits with their families. I am so grateful for the extra hands around the house. I am also amazed, not surprised by the wonderful support system of friends that have offered meals, laundry help, transportation, etc.. Sometime its hard living away from family and that makes friends so much more important. I ask friends to save up for next week since Gram is here this week. Gram's going to need a vacation next week.
I am dreading the visit today. Mommy is suppose to be there and the kids haven't seen her in several weeks. Now they are going to be even more confused. I keep hoping she won't show, I know, that's not very nice of me. Sometimes after listening to a 3 year old cry because he is so confused about his little life, you don't feel very nice towards the person that did this to him. As I'm making the 45 minute drive with the 3 kids I decide that I'm just going to stay for the visit. And I do. I did have to step out in the hallway 2 times because I had to sniff back the tears. During the visit with mommy(whose raised KK & Z), A huddles in my lap. KK snuggles with me some, too. Z wants nothing to do with me and only wants Mommy. I listen as she tells them things that I know are not true. Its hard but I stay in the kind, caring mode. I want to scold her and tell her how badly these children are hurting. I decide it won't help. It begins to turn into a crying disaster as mommy is leaving but I say, "Isn't grandma bringing presents?" And they all regain control.
The visit with the grandparents(A's parents) is the 2nd part of my hallway walk to make sure I don't cry. I thought I would leave during this part of the visit and make my way to DQ for a buster bar therapy. Nope. Z won't let me leave. If he cannot see me, he is saying "NINA!" KK is also looking to me. I try to take the 2 of them out of the room so that A can have time alone with them. A gets a look of panic in her eyes and I have to tell her that I am not leaving her. We venture down to the bathroom. Helping KK and Z is crawling on the floor between the stalls. Ok, he's on the pottie. Great! He was pottie trained before he came to my house but that has fallen to the way side. Not great. I open the door and a hunk of sh** is on the floor, on the seat and on his pants. Scrub the waistband of his pants in the sink. I have a clean pull-up. Then I go tell the cps office people that there is a mess in the bathroom. 2 of them sit there and stare at me blankly. I repeat myself 3 times. I want to say, "I am not one of them. I am the foster mom. I have a college education. I do not clean sh** off the floor in your office's bathroom." But, I don't. I stay in nice foster-mommy mode. Our case manager is out sick. Another one comes and asks me about the mess. I even am so nice that I say that I can clean it up if I have the products. Nope, she says, I'm cleaning up enough after the kids. She makes the grandma leave the visit to go clean it up. Of course grandma willingly and with the kind of grace that I see daily in A, takes care of the job. Did I mention I was having a crappy day?
What kind of crap is this? These children are so confused. I am an emotional wreck as I witness this struggle of watching the kids try to figure out who to turn to. I hate this.
We leave the visit with new pillow pets, dolls, and a bag of powdered donuts. We have survived and everyone wants to willingly get in my van.
My heart hurts so much for them. A's grandma is telling them to be extra good for Nina. They are all so good. So sweet. I love them.
Speaking of crap, my home group will be so pleased that their prayers are working. Todd changed a poopie pull-up at 5 a.m. Gods is great. My husband is good.