God's timing is once again shown to me as being so perfect. My mom gave me the book "A Framework for Understanding Poverty" by Dr. Rudy Payne. Not exactly my typical bedtime reading. I grabbed it last night for some late night reading and made it all the way to chapter 3. I guess to summarize, the book is a way to understand poverty, the ways in which people arrive there, they way in which they stay, or how it can be visited. I'd never thought about it in such depth. I've never gone hungry, been in filthy circumstances, or had to be cold or hot without a choice. "The definition of poverty is the "extent to which an individual does without resources"". The resources are defined as financial, emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, support systems, relationships/role models, and knowledge of the hidden rules. When I read this I could just picture A and her family.
God's timing came into play as a got a certified packet in the mail today from cps describing in detail A and all of her family. Their issues, the things they need to work on, etc.. It was way more information than I wanted. I'm not sure yet if it is more information than I needed. Tears rolled down the cheeks as a I read her lil life story on the pages of badly copied paper. Poverty was the overwhelming message. Yet because of my reading the night before I could look at it in a different light. I faltered from my "high horse" and could grasp a tiny bit about the cycle of poverty I was reading about. This time the scenario from A's life could be added to the book. Thanks, mom, for lending me the book and giving me a different perspective on poverty. Its so easy to judge or find fault with the way someone else has conducted their life or rather is conducting their life. I want to squeeze A a little closer and hope that the role models we are providing for her will last a lifetime. So much to teach, and yet, who knows how long we will have her.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
I think I'm gonna miss them
Back at home, and my finger is better so that I can type without wincing. How to wrap up a week's worth of thoughts. I guess to start with I can't help but think of what A said as we were pulling out of my parents driveway, "Nina, Nina" yes, A, "I think I'm gonna miss them." Me, too, A, me, too.
We saw Todd's family and then on to my parents. Every family member that A met, she connected with on some level. Every bed she was put on she went right to sleep. She kept going and going with "What's next" constantly being asked. Christmas began for her on the Monday before Christmas when she got to go see her family. If love is measured by the size of the toys one receives than A is loved more than imaginable by her family. Kitchen, table & chairs, huge stuffed dog(you know the kind your kids always want but you think no way because its so big). That's just the beginning of the list. Even better is when she comes in the house, she has Madeline, Lucas & Camille all in her room helping her get out and assemble all of her things. So willing to share, and even better was the fact that there was no jealous remarks by any of the stan clan.
Swimming in the hotel pool was a new experience. Definitely not a swimmer. Thanks, Tanya for lending us the life jacket. Felt a little bad when I had to ask A to suck in her tummy in order to zip it. She stayed close to the steps and that was fine by all. She chimed right in to calling Todd's parents, Grandma & Grandpa. Camille wasn't always thrilled by this.
I sometime wonder if all that we are exposing her to is a good thing or not. Its like how much materialism are we overstimulating her with. We go in and out of stores, grocery stores, etc., without a thought. We stay in a hotel, go to the movies, eat at restaurants. Its a constant motion or worldly activity. She handles it all in stride. I hope that I am able to stay in touch with her as she grows old. Who know what 6 months from now will bring.
We went to my parents, where unfortunately, my aunt taught A to call the hogs. A loves attention, so I think she called the hogs at least 100 times, all to the amusement of a household of Razorsnack fans. She even came home with a hog t-shirt. Ugh. Called the hogs with Aunt Bea, marched with Uncle Stephen, danced with Uncle Chris, sang songs with Aunt Joyce, read with Sophie, ate breakfast with Gramps, and did all of the above with Gram. We will all remember this Christmas and how we saw it thru the eyes of a sweet child who is so thankful for the little things in life. Yes, we will definitely miss them.
Made it to 40 years old without too much drama. A quiet birthday with my fam. A new ipad from my gang, and a beautiful scrapbook from my mom representing all 40 of my years. Ok, I take back asking her why she was starting to scrapbook. If I'd known it was for me, I would have strongly encouraged it. Such fun to look back and see all the friends and family who have played an important role in my life.
For one hour of the six ride home I was bored so I decided to count the number of times A said Nina. Ok, it was 25 times in one hour. So if you take that time 6 hours its 150 times. I failed to keep track of the times Lucas told her to be quiet, or the girls asked her to, or Buddy or myself. I guess if our only complaint is that the kid can't be quiet, we really shouldn't complain at all.
We received our first check from our foster care agency for caring for A. Very strange. Still thinking about what to do with it. It makes me laugh to think of the time a stranger asked me if I was doing foster care for the money. What an idiot. One of the hardest jobs I've had. The hardest being a mom. Mom, foster mom, definitely the most challenging jobs. Hopefully I'm not messing anybody up. I do love my jobs.
Glad to be home. Glad to have my laptop, trying to get a feel for the iPad. Finger is cramping. Looking forward to 3 more days before kiddos go back to school. Then, we'll see if I miss them.
We saw Todd's family and then on to my parents. Every family member that A met, she connected with on some level. Every bed she was put on she went right to sleep. She kept going and going with "What's next" constantly being asked. Christmas began for her on the Monday before Christmas when she got to go see her family. If love is measured by the size of the toys one receives than A is loved more than imaginable by her family. Kitchen, table & chairs, huge stuffed dog(you know the kind your kids always want but you think no way because its so big). That's just the beginning of the list. Even better is when she comes in the house, she has Madeline, Lucas & Camille all in her room helping her get out and assemble all of her things. So willing to share, and even better was the fact that there was no jealous remarks by any of the stan clan.
Swimming in the hotel pool was a new experience. Definitely not a swimmer. Thanks, Tanya for lending us the life jacket. Felt a little bad when I had to ask A to suck in her tummy in order to zip it. She stayed close to the steps and that was fine by all. She chimed right in to calling Todd's parents, Grandma & Grandpa. Camille wasn't always thrilled by this.
I sometime wonder if all that we are exposing her to is a good thing or not. Its like how much materialism are we overstimulating her with. We go in and out of stores, grocery stores, etc., without a thought. We stay in a hotel, go to the movies, eat at restaurants. Its a constant motion or worldly activity. She handles it all in stride. I hope that I am able to stay in touch with her as she grows old. Who know what 6 months from now will bring.
We went to my parents, where unfortunately, my aunt taught A to call the hogs. A loves attention, so I think she called the hogs at least 100 times, all to the amusement of a household of Razorsnack fans. She even came home with a hog t-shirt. Ugh. Called the hogs with Aunt Bea, marched with Uncle Stephen, danced with Uncle Chris, sang songs with Aunt Joyce, read with Sophie, ate breakfast with Gramps, and did all of the above with Gram. We will all remember this Christmas and how we saw it thru the eyes of a sweet child who is so thankful for the little things in life. Yes, we will definitely miss them.
Made it to 40 years old without too much drama. A quiet birthday with my fam. A new ipad from my gang, and a beautiful scrapbook from my mom representing all 40 of my years. Ok, I take back asking her why she was starting to scrapbook. If I'd known it was for me, I would have strongly encouraged it. Such fun to look back and see all the friends and family who have played an important role in my life.
For one hour of the six ride home I was bored so I decided to count the number of times A said Nina. Ok, it was 25 times in one hour. So if you take that time 6 hours its 150 times. I failed to keep track of the times Lucas told her to be quiet, or the girls asked her to, or Buddy or myself. I guess if our only complaint is that the kid can't be quiet, we really shouldn't complain at all.
We received our first check from our foster care agency for caring for A. Very strange. Still thinking about what to do with it. It makes me laugh to think of the time a stranger asked me if I was doing foster care for the money. What an idiot. One of the hardest jobs I've had. The hardest being a mom. Mom, foster mom, definitely the most challenging jobs. Hopefully I'm not messing anybody up. I do love my jobs.
Glad to be home. Glad to have my laptop, trying to get a feel for the iPad. Finger is cramping. Looking forward to 3 more days before kiddos go back to school. Then, we'll see if I miss them.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Slowing things down
Hard to type without my pointer finger on my left hand. not sure how it happened but shut it in my trillion pound sliding door. Kids got daddy & he thought I should go to doc. Nurse Linda thought there was nothing to be done so I'm toughing it out. Just slows things down a bit. Not such a bad thing this time of year. Love having kids home & we are having such a good time. Outside yesterday enjoying the beautiful 80 degree weather & A comes over to me & says, "it sure is fun here.". We are so blessed with so much fun in our lives. Having A is a continuous reminder of how fortunate we are. She is having such a good time & we are having our eyes opened to how blessed we r. I am so thankful for our overflowing blessings & how we can share with A.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Sunday
All continued to be calm today as A went to Sunday school and didn't even look back as she went in. Not a whisper of "will you come back and get me?" What a blessing.
I think that today was the 1st time I've been stood up on a date. Got my seat & Todd's saved at church. 9:03 and he's still not there. I text him and he says he's just dropping off Mad & not to save his seat. Ugh. My husband stood me up and I sat through worship trying not to think evil thoughts. I guess its really a good thing because I do want to sit by him, I mean, if I didn't want to sit by him then I would have been happy about the whole episode. All in all, I missed him and the time we get to share in worship together. Superdad took Mad to Starbucks but when they got back the shuttle service to the middle school program had quit running so he had to drive her over there. Thus, the not making it back to get his seat. For those non-Villagers, this is a pretty important part of Sunday. The worship center fills up fast! Check it out at www.fm.thevillagechurch.net. You can podcast Matt Chandler's sermons.
So much to do and so little time. I think Christmas presents are under control. We do the 3 gifts from Santa. The hardest part about this year was trying for A to have an awesome Christmas, but it can't be more awesome than Camille. Probably putting too much thought into it. After all, Jesus is the reason for the season.
I think that today was the 1st time I've been stood up on a date. Got my seat & Todd's saved at church. 9:03 and he's still not there. I text him and he says he's just dropping off Mad & not to save his seat. Ugh. My husband stood me up and I sat through worship trying not to think evil thoughts. I guess its really a good thing because I do want to sit by him, I mean, if I didn't want to sit by him then I would have been happy about the whole episode. All in all, I missed him and the time we get to share in worship together. Superdad took Mad to Starbucks but when they got back the shuttle service to the middle school program had quit running so he had to drive her over there. Thus, the not making it back to get his seat. For those non-Villagers, this is a pretty important part of Sunday. The worship center fills up fast! Check it out at www.fm.thevillagechurch.net. You can podcast Matt Chandler's sermons.
So much to do and so little time. I think Christmas presents are under control. We do the 3 gifts from Santa. The hardest part about this year was trying for A to have an awesome Christmas, but it can't be more awesome than Camille. Probably putting too much thought into it. After all, Jesus is the reason for the season.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
All is Calm, All is Bright
All is calm, all is bright. We made it through the last week of school before Christmas break. Whew! All is calm as I put A to bed tonight and instead of her saying "will you come check on me?", it is now "I know you will come check on me." And so after almost 5 weeks we've settled into the comfort of knowing that, yes, I will always come check on her. She no longer calls out for me in the night. I guess she knows and trusts that I am there. Tomorrow it will be interesting to see if she asks if I will come back and get her when I take her to Sunday school. I don't think she's ever been left, but I guess there must be some sense of abandonment for just being in our home and without her family. She always wants to know that I will come back and get her. Hopefully this will become calm, and she will know that, yes, I will always come back and get her.
Backtracking to Thursday, Todd & I had a date night/Christmas shopping outing with our fav babysitter Lexi in charge of everyone. A babysitter for us must be 17, background checked, and have filled out a reference form. It changes up the casual way in which you can just have a neighbor watch the kids for a bit. Thursday was Camille's Christmas party at school and I knew she would enjoy just having mommy at the party without A. Lucky for me, we have the best office ladies around and A got to hang out with them. When I am at a meeting at school, staff can watch her. She had gum, jello, did a craft, got her vision and hearing checked by Nurse Jennifer. I'm surprised she wanted to leave. When we went to Lucas's party on Friday, she asked, "do I get to hang out with the girls?" Thanks to the "girls" at Bridlewood for letting A hang out with them so that I could mommy Camille.
Lucas is a sweetie pie and let A come to his party. He even shared his desk with her. The room mom spoiled A with all the crafts and treats that the big kids got. School is such an awesome place.
Madeline had her friends over for a cookie bake & decorating. We continued our kind of cooking with premade dough & frosting in a tube. Melanie, you'll be glad to know that I read your book to the girls! "Gingerbread Kids" by Melanie Hills. See, even 7th grade girls can be read to. I did discover a particular great find. Cupcake frosting by Betty Crocker in a squeeze can. Delicious. I was so glad that I hadn't put it out for the girls to use. Lucas found it amusing when I was using it on oatmeal square cereal. I told him that I was being halfway healthy. He suggested I just make a bowl of it. Maybe next time. I do love icing.
Had a great talk with a friend of Madeline's mom. She was very intriqued by our story of A and how we arrived at doing foster care. She said I was the 2nd person she had talked to lately with a story relating to foster care. I told her that I was bombarded with stories like that in the months leading up to our decision to do foster care. I do not believe that those moments are coincidence. I believe that sometimes God whispers and other times he shouts. There is no doubt as to who is sending the message. There are so many ways to help children like A, not just by doing foster care. My eyes were opened to the need for volunteers at Pedi Place. What a great place that is to provide medical care for kids. So many opportunities, so many needs.
Ventured to the Gaylord tonight and that was a huge mistake. Its like throwing as much commercialism into one huge building and dumping in a million people. The line to see Santa was at least a football field length. Nevertheless, we did not stand in line. I did not see a glimpse of Jesus, Mary, or Joseph on display. I did see it in the smiles and good manners of people waiting to pass until someone had snapped a picture, or saying excuse me as their purse jostled into me. The lights were beautiful and who could go without thinking of the beautiful star that lead the way to baby Jesus. Even if the material side of Christmas seems to be overwhelming, I must take a breath and see the small ways in which Jesus always reigns. Thankfully, all is calm and all is bright.
Backtracking to Thursday, Todd & I had a date night/Christmas shopping outing with our fav babysitter Lexi in charge of everyone. A babysitter for us must be 17, background checked, and have filled out a reference form. It changes up the casual way in which you can just have a neighbor watch the kids for a bit. Thursday was Camille's Christmas party at school and I knew she would enjoy just having mommy at the party without A. Lucky for me, we have the best office ladies around and A got to hang out with them. When I am at a meeting at school, staff can watch her. She had gum, jello, did a craft, got her vision and hearing checked by Nurse Jennifer. I'm surprised she wanted to leave. When we went to Lucas's party on Friday, she asked, "do I get to hang out with the girls?" Thanks to the "girls" at Bridlewood for letting A hang out with them so that I could mommy Camille.
Lucas is a sweetie pie and let A come to his party. He even shared his desk with her. The room mom spoiled A with all the crafts and treats that the big kids got. School is such an awesome place.
Madeline had her friends over for a cookie bake & decorating. We continued our kind of cooking with premade dough & frosting in a tube. Melanie, you'll be glad to know that I read your book to the girls! "Gingerbread Kids" by Melanie Hills. See, even 7th grade girls can be read to. I did discover a particular great find. Cupcake frosting by Betty Crocker in a squeeze can. Delicious. I was so glad that I hadn't put it out for the girls to use. Lucas found it amusing when I was using it on oatmeal square cereal. I told him that I was being halfway healthy. He suggested I just make a bowl of it. Maybe next time. I do love icing.
Had a great talk with a friend of Madeline's mom. She was very intriqued by our story of A and how we arrived at doing foster care. She said I was the 2nd person she had talked to lately with a story relating to foster care. I told her that I was bombarded with stories like that in the months leading up to our decision to do foster care. I do not believe that those moments are coincidence. I believe that sometimes God whispers and other times he shouts. There is no doubt as to who is sending the message. There are so many ways to help children like A, not just by doing foster care. My eyes were opened to the need for volunteers at Pedi Place. What a great place that is to provide medical care for kids. So many opportunities, so many needs.
Ventured to the Gaylord tonight and that was a huge mistake. Its like throwing as much commercialism into one huge building and dumping in a million people. The line to see Santa was at least a football field length. Nevertheless, we did not stand in line. I did not see a glimpse of Jesus, Mary, or Joseph on display. I did see it in the smiles and good manners of people waiting to pass until someone had snapped a picture, or saying excuse me as their purse jostled into me. The lights were beautiful and who could go without thinking of the beautiful star that lead the way to baby Jesus. Even if the material side of Christmas seems to be overwhelming, I must take a breath and see the small ways in which Jesus always reigns. Thankfully, all is calm and all is bright.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Costco Pizza
Ok, so the day begins with a full cup of compassion but slowly empties and by 9 its almost all dried up. I did great this morning when A asked me ten times why we didn't get Camille a present. In the Stanfield house, we draw names for the 5 or 6 of us. A got Camille's name so we went to look today. There is a lot of pressure to get a really good gift since Camille is expecting something bad. Rotten child. Anyway, A didn't find anything at the 3 stores we went in. So I told her we'd have to go someplace else to look but it wouldn't be today. Totally threw her for a loop. I think she thought we were just crossing Camille off the list. I'm surprised she wasn't all for this. I'm beginning to see the sign of a really good roller derby match between Camille & A. It starts in the morning as they race to see who gets to the van first. Right now Camille definitely has the edge. It has a lot to do with the training she's had with Madeline & Lucas. I have a feeling that A is going to fit right in there.
Huge shout out to all the families that helped with the foster kids wish lists. Not all foster children get to live in bubble world so the foster care agency gets the wish lists from families that need help. We had 8 families that helped with 8 kiddos. It was so fabulous to have my kids see our friends bringing the gifts over to help. Thanks again for those that helped.
Got to meet A's attorney today. Another self esteem boost for myself. She loves the progress A is making. Best of all, she really wanted to know my opinion about A and what i thought was best for her. I love stating my opinion and have someone genuinely seem to want to hear it. I guess in summary I'm a huge supporter of education. I'm very curious to know the process that goes into being able to "get your child back". I believe that the love for A is there but the knowledge on the best way to care for her isn't. Once a teacher, always a teacher. I'd love to be able to help A's mommy or grandma become the best parent for A's sake. Hey, that's not to say that perfect parenting is going on here, it has been better since A is here. The nutrition is definitely improving. Its the little things like when we went to Costco, I would have totally had a slice of pizza if it were Camille & I. But since I am on the healthy diet plan, we skipped over it and came home. I did sneak in the pantry for a cookie or was it two, from my Swirl leftovers.
I began the process of trying to eliminate "ain't" from A's vocab today. I guess I'd never really considered how many different verbs that ain't can be used for. It may take us awhile. Nothing like a good challenge.
Beautiful Christmas concert at the high school tonight with way too many kids. 2 elementary choirs plus 5 middle school. We were there for 1:45. It is a true blessing to be able to hear the kids sing "O Holy Night" and other songs that so aptly describe the reason we are celebrating Christmas. I am so thankful for living in a school district that lets this expression be made. They did sound awesome.
Compassion was gone by the time we got home and I sent the kids to bed so that I could get Madeline some food. A began crying because I wouldn't brush her teeth. I know, I'm a bad foster mom. I told her to skip it. This philosophy always works with my kids. The fine, just have dirty teeth. She manages to get the job done. Its a fine line between being self-sufficient, tough love, and having just a teeny bit of compassion left by the end of the day. Its always easier to handle episodes in the morning. We are in a constant learning process. I definitely include me in that learning curve.
Huge shout out to all the families that helped with the foster kids wish lists. Not all foster children get to live in bubble world so the foster care agency gets the wish lists from families that need help. We had 8 families that helped with 8 kiddos. It was so fabulous to have my kids see our friends bringing the gifts over to help. Thanks again for those that helped.
Got to meet A's attorney today. Another self esteem boost for myself. She loves the progress A is making. Best of all, she really wanted to know my opinion about A and what i thought was best for her. I love stating my opinion and have someone genuinely seem to want to hear it. I guess in summary I'm a huge supporter of education. I'm very curious to know the process that goes into being able to "get your child back". I believe that the love for A is there but the knowledge on the best way to care for her isn't. Once a teacher, always a teacher. I'd love to be able to help A's mommy or grandma become the best parent for A's sake. Hey, that's not to say that perfect parenting is going on here, it has been better since A is here. The nutrition is definitely improving. Its the little things like when we went to Costco, I would have totally had a slice of pizza if it were Camille & I. But since I am on the healthy diet plan, we skipped over it and came home. I did sneak in the pantry for a cookie or was it two, from my Swirl leftovers.
I began the process of trying to eliminate "ain't" from A's vocab today. I guess I'd never really considered how many different verbs that ain't can be used for. It may take us awhile. Nothing like a good challenge.
Beautiful Christmas concert at the high school tonight with way too many kids. 2 elementary choirs plus 5 middle school. We were there for 1:45. It is a true blessing to be able to hear the kids sing "O Holy Night" and other songs that so aptly describe the reason we are celebrating Christmas. I am so thankful for living in a school district that lets this expression be made. They did sound awesome.
Compassion was gone by the time we got home and I sent the kids to bed so that I could get Madeline some food. A began crying because I wouldn't brush her teeth. I know, I'm a bad foster mom. I told her to skip it. This philosophy always works with my kids. The fine, just have dirty teeth. She manages to get the job done. Its a fine line between being self-sufficient, tough love, and having just a teeny bit of compassion left by the end of the day. Its always easier to handle episodes in the morning. We are in a constant learning process. I definitely include me in that learning curve.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Compassion
There's something about cleaning the kitchen at 9:30 at night that makes it absolutely revolting. What a long day. No wonder lil A was crying when it was bedtime. She got a new doll from mommy and got whacked in the lip by it. Then it just turned into a sad time, for someone that had a long day, and darnit, just wanted her mommy. Of course, I'd been there most of the day, too, and I was wiped out so I had to ask Madeline if she could show some compassion because I was running low. She went to A's room and soothed her with the sweet angel-girl Madeline that I love to see. It soothed me, not A. "I want my Nina." Got her settled in bed and she was asleep in a wink. I do love her.
Spent a great evening last night with my bunco babes. First time to entertain in new house, except for the fam. Despite the pain of cleaning and preparing food, it was utterly enjoyable. Todd took the lil kiddos to see our nephew's bball game. Mad stayed home with me. I told her that there are some people who cook without cutting open bags. Thank goodness for the food network to show us how it could be done.
Camille was our shining star tonight as she performed at the informal recital at Footlights. She is such a dancer. I love seeing her wonderful posture and long arms reaching for the sky. I just hope she goes for the ballerina, not the pole dancer, somedays I wonder.
Looking forward to school being out, being lazy, and remembering the reason for the season. Thank you God for your son Jesus. Thank you also for the expert hands of surgeons. Prayers of healing for all those in recovery. I can't wait for the new day, I'm looking forward to a full cup of compassion.
Spent a great evening last night with my bunco babes. First time to entertain in new house, except for the fam. Despite the pain of cleaning and preparing food, it was utterly enjoyable. Todd took the lil kiddos to see our nephew's bball game. Mad stayed home with me. I told her that there are some people who cook without cutting open bags. Thank goodness for the food network to show us how it could be done.
Camille was our shining star tonight as she performed at the informal recital at Footlights. She is such a dancer. I love seeing her wonderful posture and long arms reaching for the sky. I just hope she goes for the ballerina, not the pole dancer, somedays I wonder.
Looking forward to school being out, being lazy, and remembering the reason for the season. Thank you God for your son Jesus. Thank you also for the expert hands of surgeons. Prayers of healing for all those in recovery. I can't wait for the new day, I'm looking forward to a full cup of compassion.
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